 |
| Bobbit,
Thorne-Smith, and Rockwell |
 What do John Wayne Bobbit, Courtney
Thorne-Smith, and Rick Rockwell have in common? Try not to
think too perversely on this one. Word is that all three will make guest appearances
on upcoming episodes of "Norm." Former "Ally McBeal" and
"Melrose Place" babe Courtney Thorne-Smith will portray a lesbian with whom Our
Hero will try to date. Former porn star John Wayne Bobbit will play a husband
rebounding from a broken marriage on the October 6th episode. "And his penis will be
portrayed by none other than Pauly Shore." Rockwell's
character has yet to be determined.
Also, the alphabet network is
currently holding an online Viewers Choice poll. Click
Here to vote for your favorite episode of "Norm." The episode that
gets the most votes will air on September 22nd at 9:00/8:00c. The runner-up will follow at
9:30/8:30c.
|
| Smile
for the camera! |
It's time once again for some miscellaneous Norm news. First off,
starting the week of August 7th (and hopefully every August week after), the alphabet
network will air 2 episodes of "Norm" a week. One on Tuesdays at 9:30 PM
and one on Wednesdays at 8:30 PM. This move by ABC is apparently an attempt to
compensate Norm fans for being deprived of the sitcom for 3 months. But, the
alphabet network should know by now that the only way to compensate Norm fans is by paying
us 10 million dollars a piece (which we would all blow on whores and cocaine).
"Screwed" may have bombed,
but Norm's movie career may not be over. Happy Madison Productions (Adam
Sandler's movie company) is said to be cranking out a baseball comedy written by
(and possibly staring) Our Hero. The title of the movie is "Turk."
Now if someone could explain to us why a baseball comedy would be called "Turk,"
we'd very much appreciate it.
Finally, "Screwed" will be on video store
shelves on September 26th. Reserve your copy today and you could be the first (and
possibly only) kid in your neighborhood/town/county/state to own this masterpiece.
|
| Norm
puts his "potty mouth" to work. |
Is Norm's career going down the toilet? Well, not exactly. The
alphabet network has been known for using offbeat marketing initiatives to promote its
lineups, but this takes the cake. In order to hype the return of "Norm",
ABC is installing several hundred high-tech urinal billboards with pictures of Our Hero in
men's restrooms throughout New York City and Los Angeles. When a man does his
business at one of these stations, he will hear the digital voice of Norm making various
toilet jokes and promoting his sitcom's move to Friday nights. So, if you are a male
resident of NY or LA and, while using a public restroom, you hear cracks like "Oh my
God, look at the size of that thing!;'' "Hey watch your shoes!;'' or "You're a
mover and shaker, and so am I. 'Norm' moves to Fridays this fall," don't worry, you
haven't gone insane. Mike Benson, senior vice president of advertising and promotion
for the ABC Entertainment Group, told reporters on Monday, "We feel that these (ads)
are appropriate. We figured this was the perfect place to advertise Norm.'' We really
can't say whether Benson's words were a complement or a put-down.
|
| Norm's
High School Photo? |
I was hoping to update the site today with some audio clips from
Norm's Redondo performance. But, I didn't think you guys would enjoy listening to
the sounds of an empty auditorium. That's right folks, Norm's July 7th performance
in Redondo Beach was canceled. Why? I spoke with SandBlast Concerts,
the organizers of the show. They told me that the show had been canceled because
there wouldn't be a packed house and the show couldn't be televised. When they decided
that the show would be televised, I can't say. I asked them if Norm had anything to do
with the cancellation. They said "no, that decision was ours." But then
SandBlast told me that they decided to cancel the show on the night of July 5th, two days
before the show. Honestly, I don't buy this reason. Especially since a performance
Norm was supposed to do in Fresno, CA on July 15th was canceled just days after the plug
was pulled on the Redondo show. I wrote an editorial which tells the tale of my trip
to California to see Our Hero's show and my failed attempt to meet Norm in person. It's
called How to Meet Norm Macdonald: A Useless User
Guide. It's a good read and I think you'll find it interesting.
On a lighter note, be sure to tune your TVs to ABC
tomorrow at 8:30 PM PT/ET to watch "Norm." The alphabet network will be
airing a rerun of "Gambling Man."
|
| USA
gets "Screwed" |
USA Network, the cable
station where would be and should be canceled TV shows move to for one more undesired
moment in the limelight, has acquired the rights to broadcast Our Hero's second
movie. "Screwed" along with fellow box office flops "Ride With the
Devil" and "Waking The Dead" were part of a package deal that USA made with
Universal Pictures in order to exclusively broadcast box office smash
"U-571." The whole deal is worth about $64 million. Who'd have
thought that kind of money could come from of a TV station that was built by...Duckman?
|
| Gotta
have Faith! |
The Amazing
Breasts of Nikki Cox may be leaving "Norm", but there will still be
plenty of dirty sex to go around. Today Bruce "The Genius" Helford
told Variety that the incredibly talented and incredibly sexy Faith
Ford will return to Our Hero's sitcom, this time as a regular cast member. You'll
remember that Faith appeared in six episodes of "Norm" last season as the the
beautiful probation officer with whom Norm's character was infatuated with. When the
series returns in the fall, she will reprise her role as Shelly Kilmartin. Faith "is
a good foil for Norm,'' Helford told Variety. "She's wonderfully funny and a
solid actor. She comes off as very charming." Perhaps responding to the
National Organization of Women's poor rating of "Norm," Helford also said he
believes that reintroducing the character of Shelly will give female viewers "another
way to get into the show.'' And who better to shut the never closing mouth of NOW than
good ol' Corky Sherwood?
|
| Drew:
I'll take it from here, buddy. |
When Regis Philbin went up against CBS's
"Survivor," he suffered a mild flesh wound. When Traylor Howard
and Our Hero went up against "Survivor" they received black eyes, bloody noses,
torn muscles, broken bones...you get the idea. Unwilling to pay the hefty medical
bill, the suits at ABC have once again voted "Two Guys and a Girl" and
"Norm" off of Alphabet Island. With no one else to turn to, ABC has called
in it's other ratings machine, Drew Carey to do battle with the
castaways, hoping he will suffer nothing more than a fractured skull. So, this
Wednesday and next (June 28) at 8 p.m. and 8:30 p.m, the alphabet network will air repeats
of "The Drew Carey Show'' and "Whose Line Is It Anyway?'' respectively.
"Norm's" Executive Producer Bruce "The Genius" Helford,
who also produces "Drew," told Variety that Our Hero's sitcom is
expected to return later this summer, and may even air twice a week (hope, hope,
hope). "They (ABC) don't want to waste episodes (of 'Norm')," Helford
said. "And no doubt 'Drew' is the more established show. 'Drew' maybe has a chance of
blunting 'Survivor' a little bit."
|
| Nikki
and her two friends. |
We have an update on who
is and who isn't leaving "Norm." Although it was rumored somewhere along
the line that Ian Gomez might be leaving the show for a regular role on
"Felicity," in an interview with The
Birmingham News Gomez has confirmed that he will continue to work on both
shows. So, he's staying, but The Amazing Breasts of Nikki Cox
aren't. But, don't worry. Thanks to Bruce "The Genius" Helford,
starting in the fall, on The WB, at 9:30 PM, on Fridays (right after "Norm")
they will star in their own sitcom entitled "Nikki". The show takes place
in Las Vegas (where I live) and tells the story of a young dancer (Cox) who is anxious to
start her career as a Vegas showgirl. Well, I'm sold. Are you? If you'd
like to go to a taping of the show, visit TVTickets.com.
"Survivor" put "Norm" back on
the air? Strange but true. For a while it seemed that ABC saw no point in rerunning
"Norm" due to the outrageously high ratings "Millionaire". But,
when Wednesday's "Millionaire" went up against CBS's "Survivor,"
believe it or not, "Survivor" won (although their ratings were pretty
close). So, instead of continuing to compete with the eye network on Wednesday's,
ABC threw in the towel decided to replace Wednesday's "Millionaire" with reruns
of "Two Guys and a Girl" and "Norm." Naturally, both shows got
clobbered by "Survivor". So, in a weird way, we tip our hats to CBS.
True that the ratings for "Norm" will be low this summer, but at least the show
is back on the air. By the way, Wednesday's rerun of "Norm and Shelly in
Love" set a record for the lowest ratings EVER posted for an airing of
"Norm," with only 3.7 million viewers dialed into ABC. You would think
that after 3 months of unwelcome abstinence, Norm fans everywhere would have rushed to
their TVs at 8:30 PM last night to get a much needed dose of Our Hero. Well, that
didn't happen.
|
| It's
me, bob! |
Holy Lord!
Earlier this week, we indicated that Comedy Central would air a never before seen 30
minute stand-up performance by Our Hero on June 10th. Well, if you tuned your
television to Comedy Central at 8:00 PM last night and saw Our Hero's 1991 One Night Stand
special that has been rerun at least 6,523 times, fear not, you haven't gone insane.
So, we're sorry for any inconvenience we may have caused you, but in our defense: usually
when Comedy Central reruns the special, they list the show as "One Night Stand: Norm
Macdonald." This time they listed it simply as "Norm Macdonald: A
half-hour of standup by the actor/comedian," so it really was anyone's guess.
But, don't fret yet. Loyal Norm fan
Jim Riches recently sent us some audio from one of Our Hero's performances.
So, if you need a fix of Norm right now, listen to him rant about what happens when you quit smoking, a homeless guy and his dog, and the only case where laughter is not the best
medicine. Thanks Jim! And, don't forget, Norm will be in Redondo
Beach, CA for a July 7th performance. Get your tickets now and maybe we'll see you there.
|
| Not
NOW!!! |
The National Organization
for Women (NOW) has released a Feminist Primetime Report. The report identifies the
best and worst television "from a women's rights perspective." In its study, NOW
examined 82 shows broadcast by the four major networks (NBC, ABC, CBS, and FOX) during the
month of February. And which sitcom ranked the lowest? You guessed it,
"Norm". Our Hero's sitcom scored poorly due to its high levels of sexual
exploitation and low levels of social responsibility. NOW said that "Norm"
as well as other comedies aired by the alphabet network "seem to focus on men's
advances toward and humiliation of women." "Norm" was also singled
out because of its "mean-spiritedness, especially toward women and people of
color." It should be noted however, that NOW consists of a couple of members
who would like to see the entire male population exterminated from the face of the earth,
so...this report may be a bit biased.
By the way, according to Nielsen Media Research's
cumulative household ratings for network programs during the 1999-2000 television season
"Norm" ranked 64 out of 196 with an average rating/share of 7.2/11.
"Norm" beat out several other ABC shows including "Two Guys and a
Girl" and "Whose Line is it Anyway?" We don't really need to tell you
which show ranked #1, do we?
 |
| Our
Hero |
Well, we have a couple of
things to tell you today. First off, on June 10th at 8:00 PM PT/ET
Comedy Central will air a never before seen 30 minute stand-up performance by Our
Hero. If for whatever reason you don't get a chance to see its premiere, don't fret
as Comedy Central will probably rerun it 6,523 times before the end of the month.
ABC has bumped the return of "Norm" yet
again, this time to June 14th. However, in a promo for the show, the alphabet
network said that Our Hero's sitcom would return on that date only if the Stanley Cup is
won before June 14th. But, as it turns out the finals will be completed by June
12th, so there's nothing to worry about. We can't even speculate what a tragedy it
would have been if Norm's show didn't air because of a hockey game. {Revised
June 7}
It doesn't look like the producers
of "Screwed" are going to make a profit. The $10 million movie has so far
only made $6.9 million at the box office in 21 days. But hey, that's over 14 billion
in Italian Lira.
Finally,
we heard through the grapevine that the people at the peacock network (NBC) are compiling
"Saturday Night Live: The Best of Norm Macdonald". The exact release date
is unknown, but if you're hoping it will include all 69 airings of Our Hero anchoring
"Weekend Update", you may be a little disappointed.
| May '00: The Amazing Breasts of Nikki Cox
are leaving "Norm," is Ian Gomez coming with them? "Screwed"; "Norm" Renewed! "Screwed"
drops a bomb at the box office and ABC continues to delay the return of Our Hero's sitcom. |
| April '00:
Norm tells "The Late Show"
he has quit gambling; ABC puts "Millionaire" in "Norm's" timeslot and
"The
Martin Short Show's" Jiminy Glick hits on Our Hero. |
| March '00: G. Noel Gross calls it
quits; Mike Weiss picks up TFN; Don Ohlmeyer hired at
ABC and Our Hero cancels his April performances. |
| January-February '00:
No People's Choice Award for Our Hero; "Foolproof" becomes "Screwed";
"Norm" goes back to 8:30 PM; Norm drops the F-bomb on the "American Music Awards";
Backstage at "The Late Show" and "Norm" takes a six-week break. |
| November-December '99: Our Hero gets a small part in
"Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo"; Richard Pryor makes an appearance
on "Norm"; ABC taps Norm to host the "American Music Awards";
a nomination for a People's Choice Award; a memorable appearance on "Dennis Miller: The Millennium
Special" and a not-so memorable appearance on "The Tonight Show". |
| October '99: "Norm to host SNL!"; an early
"Foolproof" review; "Norm" slips in ratings; sitcom to return to
original timeslot, 13 new episodes ordered; "Trumphant Return" to SNL and Our
Hero's gambling addiction. |
| September '99: Inside
info on "Norm Pimps Wiener Dog"; ABC to add more commercials; "Late Show",
Regis and
Kathie Lee", "Howard Stern", "Late Night",
"Daily Show" and "View" appearances; "Total Request Live" no
show; "Surprise" guest on "Saturday Night Live's 25th Anniversary
Special" and Pokemon invasion! |
| July '99: "The Norm Show" passed over for
Emmy noms, "The Tonight Show" appearance, Cartoonist forces change
in sitcom's name, Artie Lange and Nikki Cox join "Norm" cast and
could become a gameshow host. |
| May-June '99: Critic rethinks original review; Norm
surfaces in supermarket tabloids; New timeslot for "The Norm Show"; "The View"
appearance; Norm sells Hardees hamburgers; Our Hero defends Adam Sandler; Emmy noms sought
for "TNS"; and Blockbuster Entertainment Awards appearance. |
| April '99: Early Nielsen success for "The Norm
Show"; "Dennis Miller Live" appearance; National
Association of Social Workers picket at ABC; George Jones ordered to pay damages; Doug of
the Slugs chats about "TNS" theme; Another first-hand report
from a "TNS" taping; Questions linger about Norm's marriage; and "Politically
Incorrect" appearance. |
| March '99: The Fake News goes primetime; George Jones
injured in crash; ABC launches "TNS" print and broadcast promotion; Doug and the
Slugs tune selected as "TNS" title song; another first-hand report
fron a "TNS" taping; "TNS" promos air during Oscars; Norm surprises David
Letterman; Norm visits Regis, "Daily Show,"
Stern and MTV;
"The Norm Show" debuts; Nielsen smiles on Norm; and Social workers revolt. |
| January-February '99: "The Fake News"
celebrates its first anniversary; Norm talks to TV critics about
"The Norm Show;" Fan compares Joe Bob Briggs to Norm; An inside report
from "TNS" and Julia Sweeny weighs in on "SNL" boys club. |
| December '98: "The Norm Show" faces delays; Adam
Sandler's producer, Robert Simonds, hopes to make Norm a movie star; MAD magazine lampoons
Our Hero; Laurie Metcalf joins "TNS;" Writers/Directors
of "Pittsburgh" speak; a first-hand report from "TNS" taping. |
| October-November '98: Andy Kaufman biopic role defined;
Don Ohlmeyer to leave NBC; Norm on the Clinton scandal and "Can't Hardly Wait"
vs. "Dirty Work": Round II. |
| July-September '98: Work begins on "The Norm
Show;" Norm's "Real World" love child?; Joins the Andy Kaufman biopic;
Celebrates Conan O'Brien's 5th Anniversary and AUI offers priority "Norm Show"
seating to our readers. |
| March '98: SNL staffers speak about Norm's reassignment;
MGM announces they think he's funny enough to make movies for them. |
| February '98: Norm hosts ESPN's ESPY awards; Speculation
continues about Norm's standing at SNL. |
| January '98: The Crisis begins; Norm announces his
"firing"; NBC calls the move a "reassignment," taps Colin Quinn to
take anchor chair. |
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