CHOOSE A BAR CAREFULLY

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DAVE HOLMES: You've always struck me as like, a troublemaker. A little bit of a hellraiser. You look like somebody who knows how to have a good time in the city. I've been here a few years. What's it like, what do you do, where are your places that you gotta go to?

NORM: I go to the bars in New York that have numbers, not even names, you know? [Laughs.]

DAVE: Yeah.

NORM: So you know, you just find it by the cross-streets, like 4B or something?

DAVE: Yeah, 7A?

NORM: Yeah, that way you can, you know how to get there and then, you know how to get home.

DAVE: There you go! Cool, I'm writing that down.

ORGY IS BETTER THAN ...

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DAVE: Now, have you heard of a band called Orgy, Norm?

NORM: Orgy is a great band.

DAVE: Orgy is a great band and luckily for us...

NORM: You know what the worst band is?

DAVE: Who?

NORM: ..than Orgy is uh, just, uh, that band..two people having regular sex (laughter)

DAVE: They suck.

NORM: They suck.

DAVE: Orgy's cool, they're at number 6 today, let's check 'em out

NORM: Six!

DAVE: Blue Monday...

NORM: It's an outrage...(song begins)

A NEW KID ON THE BLOCK

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DAVE: Uh, entering the top five for the first time is Jordan Knight, you remember him as one of The New Kids on the Block, don't you?

NORM: Uh, yeah, I sure--slightly remember him. He was the guy that was in "Boogie Nights", right?

DAVE: Uh, no that was Mark Whalburg who was the brother of Donnie ..well I know too much about The New Kids on the Block, I'm sorry...

NORM: Oh yeah, Mark Whalburg was great. This kid Jordan Knight..

DAVE: Yeah...you can check him out right here--

NORM: Yeah, he stinks...(laughter)

DAVE: No, they love him, here he is at number five with "Give It To You"

THE ACTOR'S STUDIO

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DAVE: We got somebody outside who wants to ask you a question Norm.

NORM: Oh excellent. I like people who...

DAVE: Let's check in with him right now, hey what's your name?

CHRIS: Chris Rainer, from Silver Spring, Maryland.

DAVE: Yes, And your question?

CHRIS: Yeah, um, this is Norm, I'm an actor myself and you're kind of like an inspiration for me and I was wondering if you had any advice for me.

NORM: Yeah, just from the look on you, I don't think you're gonna make it. [Laughter.]

DAVE: Ah, this is why they love this man.

CHRIS: Thanks man.

NORM: I'm just kidding you, I don't know, I'm not an actor myself, so I don't know. I like, suck. But you know what, maybe if you went to like an acting school and then took some lessons from the acting school.

DAVE: Uh huh, that's sound advice there Chris! Thank you for the question there.

CHRIS: All right, thanks a lot.

DAVE: All right, see ya. So you don't consider yourself an actor, your more like a...

NORM: I'm more like a memorizer. I memorize the words in order, and then I say them. [Laughter.] That's not easy, I'll tell you that.

DAVE: No, no, it's not.

NORM: Every script has like a couple, five hundred words. [Laughter.]

DAVE: Yeah. You don't have cards or anything?

NORM: No, at Saturday Night Live, it was great, because they just stick a giant cue card an inch from my face, and I just like, go like this: [reads fake cue card.]

DAVE: Kinda like this?

NORM: Yeah like you're doing!

DAVE: Exactly.

THANKS: Ripken and Al Tag for transcribing this appearance.