The Fake News
JULY 11, 2000 -- BY MIKE WEISS
How to Meet Norm Macdonald
A Useless User Guide
TFN Editor Mike Weiss tells the tale of his attempt to meet Norm Macdonald and his trip
to California to see Norm perform.
It all started in late April of 2000 when Bob (my
Dad) asked me what I wanted for my 18th birthday. I told him that I had just
received word that Norm Macdonald would be doing a show in Redondo Beach, California on
July 7th, four days after my birthday. I would be ecstatic if I could attend
the performance. Because he is a wonderful father and because Redondo Beach is only about
a 5-hour drive from Las Vegas, Bob granted my wish and bought two tickets for the show.
Then Bob had an idea. What if there was a way I
could meet Norm in person? At first I though "how would that be possible?" But
then I considered the possible impact that The Fake News has on Norm’s career.
Basically, it has served as free publicity for Norm for over two years. The Redondo
performance would serve as a fine time to ask for something in return seeing that Norm and
I would be in the same place at the same time. Bob suggested that I send a letter to
Norm’s agent, Adam Venit, tell him about the comprehensiveness and popularity of The
Fake News, and request a brief interview with "the funniest man alive." I did
just that.
Three weeks went by and I had yet to receive a
response. One night, after browsing through some old email editions, I discovered that
Noel (the former editor and publisher of TFN) had requested to get a brief telephone
Q&A with Norm through his people at ABC and had no success. Some of you may also
remember that Noel had mentioned in his resignation announcement, that there had been a
"complete lack of cooperation from Norm's handlers." I was slightly discouraged,
but I pressed on.
Around June 14, I decided to try and contact Adam
Venit by phone and verify whether or not he had received my letter. This is what his
secretary had to tell me: "Mr. Venit received your letter but doesn’t arrange
Norm’s interviews. That job is handled by Norm’s publicist, Ray Reo." She
then gave Reo’s office number and hung up the phone. Some of you may know Ray Reo
from his appearance on a station identification Norm did for Comedy Central. Reo revealed
his bare stomach to the camera with the words "Norm Rules" painted above his
belly button.
I was just about to dial Reo’s number when I
had an epiphany. Why wasn’t the letter I sent to Venit forwarded to Ray Reo? If Venit
received my letter but doesn’t arrange Norm’s interviews, shouldn’t he (or
his secretary) have forwarded the letter to the person who does? And shouldn’t one of
Norm’s people have contacted me by now, regardless? Perhaps Venit didn’t want to
make the effort or wasn’t interested in my request. Still I should have been
notified, right?
Confused, but still determined, I called Reo’s
office. After telling his secretary, Mandy, who I was and what I wanted to do, I was told
that she or Reo would contact me as soon as possible, most likely the next day. Well, I
received no phone call from Reo or Mandy the next day. So, thinking that typed text is
mightier than a telephone voice, I decided to send Reo a copy of the letter I had tried to
send to Venit. I still received no response, but I wasn’t going to give up yet.
During the week of June 26th (one week
before the performance) I started playing phone tag with Mandy. Either Reo was going to
give me a yes or no answer or I was going to tie up his phone lines. On July 2nd, five
days before the performance, Mandy told me that Reo was in fact interested in letting me
interview Norm, he just hadn’t had a chance to speak with Norm about it. Then she
said that once Reo talks with Norm, I would be contacted and given an answer. The way I
understood it, if Norm says "yes," I’d get my interview. Now, I wonder if
Mandy told me that just so I would stop calling.
July 5th, two days before the
performance, the day I leave for California. I have yet to receive a callback. I make one
final call to Reo’s office. I ask Mandy if Reo had had a chance to speak with Norm.
Mandy’s response: "I’m not sure, yet." I end the conversation, pack up
my stuff, and Bob and I begin our drive to California.
I told myself that I would beat this horse until it
died. So, Bob and I didn’t head out to Redondo Beach, we went to Beverly Hills, where
Reo’s office is located, thinking that maybe a warm body would be mightier than the
combined force of typed text and a telephone voice. I knew that at this point I
didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, but I figured I had nothing to lose. We
arrive in Beverly Hills around noon on July 6th. I purchase a gift for Mandy as
an excuse to get into the building. I make it to Reo’s office. The first words out of
Mandy’s mouth: "We’re you informed that the show was canceled?"
I was almost speechless. I asked Mandy if she knew
why. She said "no." So, I handed Mandy the gift I bought her, walked out of
Reo’s office, and sat in the lobby for awhile. Using a nearby phone, I called the
Redondo Beach Performing Arts Center, where Norm was going to perform, to verify that the
show had in fact been canceled. They said "yes."
Now I wanted a reason. So, I contacted SandBlast
Concerts, the organizers of the show. They told me that the show had been canceled because
not enough tickets were sold. As it turns out, they were planning to televise the Redondo
show, but since there wouldn’t be a packed house, they said it couldn’t be
televised. So they decided to postpone the show to October 20th. I asked them
if Norm had anything to do with the cancellation. They said "no, that decision was
ours." I then asked them when they decided to cancel the show. They said, "last
night (July 5th)".
I sensed something was wrong, but I decided not to
peruse this any further. I left the building, and decided to walk down Rodeo Drive with
Bob for a while. That was when I started to question the validity of the reason I was
given. First off, they had to have sold enough tickets to get a decently packed house
because the best tickets I could get were in the nosebleed section (row NN to be exact).
Also, why did SandBlast decide 2 days before the show to cancel it? That’s very
unprofessional, not to mention foolish. Most concert organizers warn you at least few
weeks before the performance if they are going to pull the plug. They should know 2 weeks
before the show date whether or not they are going to get a decent crowd. And if they
truly didn’t sell a whole lot of tickets, the show could have gone on. If they
didn’t have a big enough crowd to televise the show, Norm still could have performed
and they could have televised a different show, one with a bigger crowd. They might even
have made a bigger profit that way.
The only conclusion I was able to come up with was
this: maybe something is going on in Norm’s personal life and he decided at the last
minute not to go on.
I can’t say that my conclusion is factual, but
it wouldn’t surprise me if it were. Norm canceled all of his April 2000 shows because
of "family reasons." He canceled one show because he was "feeling
sleepy," and just recently he canceled a show he was supposed to do on July 15th
in Fresno for unknown reasons.
I wasn’t upset that I didn’t get to meet
Norm, I knew that that was a long shot to begin with. Noel had no success with his
attempts, so why should I have faired better? I was just disappointed that the one time I
get a chance to see a performance by the man who inspired me to peruse a career in comedy,
the show gets canceled.
Fortunately, my trip to California wasn’t a
total loss. Instead of going to Norm’s show Bob and I went to Universal Studios. I
had a great time. We also saw two Mel Gibson movies: The Patriot and Chicken Run. I
enjoyed them both.
And my birthday wasn’t a disaster either.
Before I went on my trip to California, I got to see Bill Maher and Victoria Jackson
perform right here in Las Vegas. On the day I got back from California, I saw a comedy
show featuring Cathy Ladman and Steve Marmel. On my birthday, I saw Me, Myself, and Irene
and I got some great gifts from people I love.
So, Norm may have flaked on me, but I still had a
great 18th birthday. The only thing that could have made it better would have
been if someone could have gotten Britney Spears and/or Christina Aguilera to pop out of a
cake naked. Well, maybe next year.
I’ve still have the tickets for the show. I
can either get a refund or I can use them to attend an October 20th show that
Norm will supposedly be doing. Right now, I’m leaning toward the former.
Whatever the real reason was for the
performance’s cancellation, I just hope that Norm is safe and healthy.
Fake News is Good News,
Mike Weiss
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