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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#27)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
I'd like to take this time to answer some questions. Over the last few
weeks I've received some e-mails asking "Hey, Mike, why haven't you been
sending out the e-mail edition like you're supposed to?" Others have
e-mailed me asking, "Hey, Mike, I never received the last 2 e-mail
editions." I've also been asked "Hey, Mike, when's the Norm Store
reng?" And some have even asked, "Hey, Mike, are you currently
seeing anyone?" Well, okay, only one person asked me that last question
and, sadly, that person's name was Roy.
Anywayz, the only excuse I have for not sending out the e-mail edition
as often as I should is simply the fact that I've been forgetting to do
it. But, I've found a way to work it into my meagerly busy schedule and I
promise, starting next month, that I will be sending the e-mail edition
out more frequently (like twice a month, depending on the amount of Norm
news).
As for those of you who didn't receive the last 2 editions, I
apologize. There was a problem with the mail program I was using to send
it out. But it's been fixed (I think) and all 2,249 of you should be
receiving this.
As for the Norm Store, it will reas soon as I get some time to do
it, most likely before "Screwed" comes out on video.
Finally, regarding Our Hero, we still haven't received any new info on
when the comedy CD will be coming out. Someone gave us a tip that a
portion of the Redondo Beach gig will be included in the CD but we have
been unable confirm that. When we hear something solid, we'll let you
know.
Fake News is Good News,
Mike Weiss
[ NEWS ]
June 23 (Variety) -- THE AMAZING BREASTS OF NIKKI COX may be leaving
"Norm", but there will still be plenty of dirty sex to go around. Today
BRUCE "THE GENIUS" HELFORD told Variety that the incredibly talented and
incredibly sexy FAITH FORD will return to Our Hero's sitcom, this time as
a regular cast member. You'll remember that Faith appeared in six episodes
of "Norm" last season as the the beautiful probation officer with whom
Norm's character was infatuated with. When the series returns in the
fall, she will reprise her role as Shelly Kilmartin. Faith "is a good foil
for Norm,'' Helford told Variety. "She's wonderfully funny and a solid
actor. She comes off as very charming." Perhaps responding to the
National Organization of Women's poor rating of "Norm," Helford also said
he believes that reintroducing the character of Shelly will give female
viewers "another way to get into the show.'' And who better to shut the
never closing mouth of NOW than good ol' Corky Sherwood?
o Check out Faith Ford on a pool table.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/i/faith2.jpg
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June 20 (Variety) -- When REGIS PHILBIN went up against CBS's "Survivor,"
he suffered a mild flesh wound. When TRAYLOR HOWARD and Our Hero went up
against "Survivor" they received black eyes, bloody noses, torn muscles,
broken bones...you get the idea. Unwilling to pay the hefty medical bill,
the suits at ABC have once again voted "Two Guys and a Girl" and "Norm"
off of Alphabet Island. With no one else to turn to, ABC has called in
it's other ratings machine, DREW CAREY to do battle with the castaways,
hoping he will suffer nothing more than a fractured skull. So, this
Wednesday and next (June 28) at 8 p.m. and 8:30 p.m, the alphabet network
will air repeats of "The Drew Carey Show'' and "Whose Line Is It Anyway?''
respectively. "Norm's" Executive Producer BRUCE "THE GENIUS" HELFORD, who
also produces "Drew," told Variety that Our Hero's sitcom is expected to
return later this summer, and may even air twice a week (hope, hope,
hope). "They (ABC) don't want to waste episodes (of 'Norm')," Helford
said. "And no doubt 'Drew' is the more established show. 'Drew' maybe has
a chance of blunting 'Survivor' a little bit."
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June 17 (Norm) -- We have an update on who is and who isn't leaving
"Norm." Although it was rumored somewhere along the line that IAN GOMEZ
might be leaving the show for a regular role on "Felicity," in an
interview with The Birmingham News Gomez has confirmed that he will
continue to work on both shows. So, he's staying, but THE AMAZING BREASTS
OF NIKKI COX aren't. But, don't worry. Thanks to Bruce "The Genius"
Helford, starting in the fall, on The WB, at 9:30 PM, on Fridays (right
after "Norm") they will star in their own sitcom entitled "Nikki". The
show takes place in Las Vegas (where I live) and is tells the story of a
young dancer (Cox) who is anxious to start her career as a Vegas showgirl.
Well, I'm sold. Are you?
o Get tickets for a taping of "Nikki"
http://www.tvtickets.com
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June 8 (National Organization for Women) -- The National Organization for
Women (NOW) has released a Feminist Primetime Report. The report
identifies the best and worst television "from a women's rights
perspective." In its study, NOW examined 82 shows broadcast by the four
major networks (NBC, ABC, CBS, and FOX) during the month of February. And
which sitcom ranked the lowest? You guessed it, "Norm". Our Hero's
sitcom scored poorly due to its high levels of sexual exploitation and low
levels of social responsibility. NOW said that "Norm" as well as other
comedies aired by the alphabet network "seem to focus on men's advances
toward and humiliation of women." "Norm" was also singled out because of
its "mean-spiritedness, especially toward women and people of color." It
should be noted however, that NOW consists of a couple of members who
would like to see the entire male population exterminated from the face of
the earth, so...this report may be a bit biased.
By the way, according to Nielsen Media Research's cumulative household
ratings for network programs during the 1999-2000 television season "Norm"
ranked 64 out of 196 with an average rating/share of 7.2/11. "Norm" beat
out several other ABC shows including "Two Guys and a Girl" and "Whose
Line is it Anyway?" We don't really need to tell you which show ranked
#1, do we?
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June 5 (The Fake News) -- We heard through the grapevine that the people
at the peacock network (NBC) are compiling "Saturday Night Live: The Best
of Norm Macdonald". The exact release date is unknown, but if you're
hoping it will include all 69 airings of Our Hero anchoring "Weekend
Update", you may be a little disappointed.
[ NORM ]
Our Hero's sitcom returned on June 16 with a rerun of "Norm and Shelly in
Love." After posting the lowest ratings EVER for an airing of "Norm,"
thanks to the castaways of "Survivor," ABC voted Our Hero off of Alphabet
Island (again) and replaced him with DREW CAREY. "Norm" is scheduled to
air on July 12 with a rerun of "Gambling Man"...or so ABC would have us
believe.
[ SCREWED ]
The final numbers for are in. And the total US gross of Norm's second
movie is, drum roll please......$7.2 million. True that that is not that
impressive of a dollar amount, but had the movie been released in Italy,
it would have made 14.6 billion lira. And, I've run that gag to death,
haven't I?
o Read what the critics though of "Screwed".
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/critics3.shtml
[ APPEARANCES ]
We scored a pair of tickets for Norm's upcoming performance in Redondo
Beach. Tickets are still on sale at Ticketmaster, so order yours now and
maybe we'll see you there.
o Standup Performance July 7 in Redondo Beach, CA (TM)
[ CONTEST ]
The 29th Caption Contest winner is ... MARC S!!! The 30th Caption Contest
winner is ... DAVID GOLDEN!!!The next round is already underway. Get your
entries in by the July 29th deadline and win truckload of Prechewed Bubble
Gum! Well, what were you expecting?
o Check out Marc S's caption.
http://thefakenews.net/n/winner29.shtml
o Check out David Golden's caption.
http://thefakenews.net/n/winner30.shtml
o Test your wit in the current contest.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
[ SOUNDS ]
Loyal Norm fan JIM RICHES recently sent us some audio from one of Our
Hero's performances. So, if you need a fix of Norm right now, listen to
him rant about:
o Quitting smoking.
http://thefakenews.net/n/winner29.shtml
o A homeless guy and his dog.
http://thefakenews.net/n/winner30.shtml
o When laughter isn't the best medicine.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
[ OTHER ITEMS OF INTEREST ]
Wanna see a cheesy but funny cartoon I made in high school? In early
1999, I made an 8 minute mock news broadcast entitled NEWS TO YOU WITH
ODIN RIFFY (I'm the voice of Odin). It might remind you of Our Hero's
WEEKEND UPDATE.
o Check out News To You
http://www.newstoyou.net
[ COMPUTERMIKE.COM ]
ComputerMike.com, parent company of The Fake News, is currently spinning
off (giving away) some of it's discontinued sites. So, if you have a web
site and would like to take over any of the following sites, please
contact me at webmaster
o The Dana Carvey Site
http://computermike.com/dana
o The South Park Resort
http://computermike.com/south
o Jim Breuer Headquarters
http://computermike.com/jim
o Kightlingerland
http://computermike.com/laura
o R.E.M. The Shinny Happy Website
http://computermike.com/rem
o Goat World
http://computermike.com/goats
That's all for this issue, fellow Norm fans. Continue to support The Fake
News by clicking on the ad banners. Remember, every click makes a
difference...or something like that.
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THE FAKE NEWS
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editor
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