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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#26)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
The question on everyone's mind is what's happening
with Norm's sitcom? Is it being canceled? Are there
plans to renew it? Will another network pick it up?
The honest truth is, I don't know. ABC has not made
any official announcement regarding "Norm" and the
"Norm" website (http://www.abc.go.com/primetime/norm)
hasn't been updated in months.
What we can tell you is that ABC has apparently decided
to NOT give "Norm" a piece of the May sweeps. Although
ABC was planning to air the sitcom on May 24 and 31 they
have apparently decided to continue airing the ratings
machine known as "Millionaire" in "Norm's" timeslot. It's
sad when a major network like ABC debatably only has one
leg to stand on. It's even sadder when that leg is REGIS PHILBIN.
So, the fate of "Norm" will be determined over the summer
and the deciding agent may be "Screwed". In case you forgot,
Norm second movie today (May 12). So, be sure to see
it today or at least over the weekend (or see it several times,
which would be even better). We are certain that the majority
of film critics, who wouldn't know a good comedy if they were
slapped in the face a couple thousand times, will despise "Screwed".
But we are also certain that any non-critic with a sense of humor
is in for 82 minutes of uncontrollable laughter.
So, the ultimate question is: Will ABC base its decision
to renew "Norm" on the critics perception of "Screwed",
which will be decisively negative, or on the viewer
satisfaction of "Screwed", which will be decisively positive.
We will hopefully know the answer sooner than later.
Fake News is Good News,
Mike Weiss
[ NEWS ]
May 11 (Norm) -- The alphabet network still isn't
talking, but they haven't kept us from hearing stuff
through the grapevine. We are very depressed knowing
that THE AMAZING BREASTS of NIKKI COX are leaving the show,
but following them may be Ian Gomez. The word is the
characters of Danny and Taylor will simultaneously exit
the show leaving ARTIE LANGE to be the butt of the big-boned
and big-breasted jokes. This unexpected event may have
prompted some script rewrites and may have contributed to
the delay in the show's return. Please note, however, Danny's
departure is not yet official as it has not been confirmed
or denied by either ABC or Gomez. We'll keep you up to date
as this story develops.
EDITOR'S NOTE (May 4): For those of you who forgot, Nikki
Cox's contract with the show was only for one season (sorry).
She is set to star in her own sitcom for The WB, which will be
produced by "Norm" executive producer Bruce "The Genius" Helford.
--
Apr. 28 (The Martin Short Show) -- Well, add MARTIN SHORT's
alter ego JIMINY GLICK to the long list of people who just don't
"get" Norm. But what can you expect from a guy who doesn't even
know which network "Norm" airs on (he thought it was CBS)? On
March 17th, Jiminy traveled to the factory that cranks out the
finest sitcom in the history of television to chat with our hero.
After confirming that he was interviewing Norm Macdonald and not
NORM CROSBY the two discussed what makes certain Hollywood stars
shine, problems with hygiene and the proper way to pronounce
"secede". But, the majority of the interview was dedicated to
Jiminy struggling to conceal his alleged homosexuality while
attempting to hit on Norm at the same time. But when Norm tried
to probe him on the issue, Jiminy turned the tables by asking Norm
why he had the title of "Happy Bachelor at 38." Norm responded by
saying that he wasn't a confirmed bachelor, he just wasn't
seeing anyone at the time of the interview. So, ladies, this
may mean that Norm is currently available unless, of course,
it doesn't.
o Check out the audio clips and transcript.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/0317mshort.shtml
--
Apr. 27 (Norm Return Delayed) -- There's no stopping Regis
Philbin. ABC continues to feed off the ratings machine known
as "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" But when the alphabet
network does so at Our Hero's expense, well that's just
unacceptable. "Norm" will not return on May 3rd as originally
expected. In it's place will be a celebrity version of
"Millionaire" in which LANCE BASS of 'NSync, DREW CAREY,
DANA CARVEY, DAVID DUCHOVNY, KATHIE LEE GIFFORD, EMERIL LAGASSE,
QUEEN LATIFAH, ROSIE O'DONNELL, RAY ROMANO and VANESSA L. WILLIAMS
will play for their favorite charities. Why Our Hero wasn't even
invited to compete in this event we may never know (they're
taking his timeslot after all). Don't panic yet, Norm will
still get a piece of the May sweeps. The sitcom is expected to
air on May 24th and 31st at 8:30 PM. But renewal time is coming
up and while ABC hasn't announced what it plans to do with "Norm"
they have announced that plan to air "Millionaire" five nights a
week. So the question still remains: Will Regis kill Norm?
On a lighter note, here's one of the questions from the
4/18/00 episode of "Millionaire":
--Which comedian stars in the CBS series "Martial Law"?
A. Jim Belushi
B. Arsenio Hall
C. Cheech Marin
D. Norm Macdonald
In case you cared, the answer was B.
--
Apr. 13 (The Late Show) -- Norm's just genuinely funny. That's
what DAVID LETTERMAN said when Our Hero made an appearance on
THE LATE SHOW on February 25th. After sharing with Letterman his
thoughts on his broken television and General Practitioners, Norm
announced that he has in fact given up his "hobby of compulsive
gambling." Of course, we're very proud and grateful for the big
step that Our Hero has taken. The only drawback is that Norm
probably won't be doing a show in Vegas (where our editor lives)
any time soon. Norm also shared a story of the first time he
got drunk. The story was apparently the inspiration for
"My Name is Norm," episode 5 of "Norm" (the one where Norm goes
out drinking with a client, wakes up in rehab, then pretends
he's an alcoholic).
o Check out the audio clips and transcript.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/0225lateshow.shtml
--
Mar. 23 (The Return of The Weasel) -- DON "THE WEASEL" OHLMEYER
has come out of retirement and is now the executive producer of
ABC's Monday Night Football. So, now Ohlmeyer is working for the
same network as Our Hero! Yikes! As the West Cost President of NBC,
Ohlmeyer was responsible for ending Norm's career as the Weekend
Update anchor on Saturday Night Live. To this day it is a mystery
as to why Ohlmeyer objected to Norm's act. The only reason he gave
was that he thought that Norm was "not funny."
Ohlmeyer left NBC in later 1999 and was replaced by Ex-WB
Entertainment head GARTH ANCIER. While Don is currently not in a
position of great power at ABC, who knows what his plans for the
future are? We here at TFN don't want to imply a conspiracy, but
we just can't bear the thought of history repeating itself.
--
Read more NEWS ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/news.shtml
[ APPEARANCES ]
We scored a pair of tickets for Norm's upcoming performance in
Redondo Beach. Tickets are still on sale at Ticketmaster, so
order yours now and maybe we'll see you there.
o "One Night Stand" rerun on May 14 (COM).*
o Standup Performance July 7 in Redondo Beach, CA (TM)
* Available in archive.
[ ARCHIVE ]
We're keeping an archive of the reviews of "Screwed". If
you come across a "Screwed" review, please drop us a note
(editor).
o What critics are saying about "Screwed" (11/99)
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/critics3.shtml
--
Explore our extensive ARCHIVE ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/archive.shtml
[ CONTEST ]
The 26th Caption Contest winner is ... WILE E. PEYOTE!!! The
next round is already underway. Get your entries in by the
May 27th deadline and win 3 pounds of Bellybutton Lint! Well,
what were you expecting?
o Check out Wile E. Peyote's caption.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/winner28.shtml
o Test your wit in the current contest.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
[ SPONSORS ]
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Click all three links to donate 30 CENTS :)
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editor
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