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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#19)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
I received an overwhelming response to my request for
transcription help. I really appreciate the volunteers. It's nice
to have an over abundance of folks willing to help. Thank
you all.
You will find, attached to this newsletter, a Christmas,
Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus ... aw, heck, "Happy
Holidays!" e-card from The Fake News. Click on the link
below, if you have trouble viewing the JPeg image.
Your continued support is appreciated. Have a happy and
safe holiday season. -N!
o Happy Holidays from The Fake News
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/card.html
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[ NEWS ]
Dec. 4 (Dennis Miller: The Millennium Special) -- DENNIS
MILLER never hesitates revealing the identity of his favorite
guest: Norm Macdonald. They go back, way back. In fact,
Dennis gave Our Hero his first big-time writing gig in
showbizness (on Dennis' short-lived, post-SNL talk show).
Norm was invited back, for the 4th time, to help the High
Priest of Weekend Update through "The Millennium Special:
1,000 years, 100 laughs, 10 really good ones." His help
consisted mostly of repeating the word "cock" about 16 times
during the hour-long broadcast. And wearing funny
costumes. Anyone familiar with Norman's appearances on
"Dennis Miller Live" knows his child-like amusement with
his freedom to say naughty words on HBO. "Cock" tops the
list as he's said it about 30 times in his previous guest spots.
In the special, Norm plays guests throughout the century and
beyond ... each finding some way to refer to his favorite
late-night cable dirty word. If you missed the show, don't
you worry ... HBO will serve it up all this month.
o Check out the audio clips!
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/1204miller.shtml
--
Dec. 1 (E! Online) -- Norm's hosting one awards show and
nominated in another. Our Hero is in the running for a
People's Choice Award (determined by the results of a
nationwide Gallup poll of 200 million-plus Americans.) But
to take home the "Male Performer in a New Television
Series" trophy, cupie doll, or whatever the hell it is they hand
out -- he'll have to beat Buffy's forbidden squeeze DAVID
BOREANEZ ("Angel") and a grown man named BILLY
CAMPBELL ("Once and Again.") Judging by the sheer
number of "Angel" fansites, the undead fella seems like a
lock. The 24th Annual People's Choice Awards will be
broadcast January 9 on CBS.
--
Nov. 30 (The Fake News) -- God grant us the serenity to
accept the things we cannot change. We're sorry to announce
that Our Hero will host the 27th annual "American Music
Awards" (a three-hour, live primetime telecast). Now, it's
great Norm got himself a high-profile gig, but we don't look
forward to enduring yet another spare-to-fair awards show.
There's no doubt Norman can handle himself given last
year's no holds barred ESPY broadcast. A total of 20
publicly voted awards will be presented. The nominees will
be announced on Dec. 6 by executive producer DICK
CLARK, Norm and -- drumroll, please -- DENNIS
RODMAN's Number One Ho ... CARMEN ELECTRA. In
the Pop/Rock, Country and Soul/Rhythm & Blues slots,
awards will be presented for Favorite Male and Female
Artist, Favorite Group, Favorite Album and Favorite New
Artist. In the Rap/Hip Hop, Latin Music, Adult
Contemporary and Alternative Music categories, awards will
be presented for Favorite Artist. An award will also be
presented for Favorite Soundtrack. The show is scheduled to
air Jan. 19 on ABC.
--
Read more NEWS ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/news.shtml
[ APPEARANCES ]
o Norm has a small part in "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo"ng nationwide Dec. 10.
o "Dennis Miller" millennium special on Dec. 8, 13, 17,
21, 22, 23, 27, 31 (HBO).
o "Late Night" rerun (9.23.99) on Dec. 8 (NBC).*
* Available in archive.
[ NORM ]
This week ... Episode 11 (9/22/99): "Norm vs. Love" --
Norm reluctantly admits his feelings for Shelly and asks
Laurie (who declines) to try and set them up. After a few
pathetic attempts at asking her out, Norm begs Laurie for her
help. She agrees and throws a party so they can mingle
outside of work. However, it takes a turn for the worse
when Shelly brings a date to the party and Norm's plan
backfires. In addition, Taylor Clayton, who has just recently
completed a prostitute rehab stint, is hired by Norm as the
office receptionist -- without Mr. Denby's permission.
FAITH FORD ("Murphy Brown") guest stars as Shelly
Kilmartin.
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Next week ... Episode 22: "Norm vs. Christmas" -- Norm
and Laurie differ over the value of Christmas. Norm is a
fanatic for the holiday, while Laurie is a Scrooge. It's up to
Norm to help Laurie get into the holiday spirit. In the
meantime, Danny hopes to use a secret Santa gift exchange
as a means of revealing his secret crush on Taylor.
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ABC has announced the winner of their "Dream Date with
Norm" contest ... ANNE MARIE of California. Anne Marie
and her husband were informed on live television. Visit the
official "Norm" site to listen to her rather "colorful" entry.
o "Dream Date with Norm" contest
http://www.abc.go.com/primetime/norm/date/rules1.html
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"Norm" tapings are scheduled for December 10 and 17. As
of presstime, tickets were still available for each date. If
you're going to be in the Burbank area, visit our friends at
AUI and snag some free tickets:
o Audiences Unlimited, Inc.
http://www.tvtickets.com
[ ARCHIVE ]
Curious about what goes on during a taping of "Norm"?
Well, our correspondent ROBYN PARRA was there for the
November 19th filming of "Norm vs. Denby." She files this
front-line report.
o "Norm vs. Denby" (Episode 20)
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/report111999.shtml
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SEAN BRADLEY of saturday-night-live.com shares an
account of his trip to see the October 23rd "SNL" hosted by
Norm. An especially interesting revelation is that CHRIS
KATTAN did not boycott the broadcast, as we and others
speculated.
o "Saturday Night Live" (10.23.99)
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/snlreport.shtml
o Visit Sean's website.
http://www.saturday-night-live.com
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Explore our extensive ARCHIVE ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/archive.shtml
[ VIDEOS ]
For a limited time, with a $15 contribution toward the
maintenance of The Fake News, you can receive a thank you
gift of one of our quirky Norm videos!
o Info on the Norm Video offer.
mailto:editor?subject=Videos
[ LAUGHS ]
"Well the big seller this holiday season is MICHAEL
BOLTON's X-mas album 'This is the Time.' Happy
Birthday, JESUS I hope you like crap!"
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"KENNY G released his Christmas album this week. Happy
birthday, Jesus ... hope you like crap!"
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"The number one selling doll this X-mas is Tickle me
ELMO. And the least popular selling doll? You guessed it --
Tickle me FRANK STALLONE."
--
"PRESIDENT CLINTON received an early Christmas
present this week -- an adorable Labrador puppy. And,
presidential historians say that it will be good for his image.
According to these scholars, in comparison to a male dog,
the president's sex life will seem relatively normal."
--
One Night Stand: "Well, I'm looking for gifts. You ever get
a, uh- you ever get a bad gift? Y'know? Last Christmas,
man, I got the worst gift a guy ever give me. He gave me a
lottery ticket. You ever get that for a gift? Man, what a
stinkin' gift that is, huh? You know, what's a guy even
thinking there, right? (He goes) 'Here you go. Nothing!
Merry Christmas! It's nothing! From me to you- not
anything!' You know, unless it wins, then it's something.
But let's face it- if you give a guy a lottery ticket, you know,
you don't want it to win. What kind of fucking nightmare
would that be, y'know? Imagine that, you get a call a week
after Christmas there? (You) go, 'Hey, Fred. What's
happening there? Yeah, I remember that ticket I give you.
Fourteen million bucks, eh? (Anguished laughter) Aha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha aha ha ha (voice cracking) Good for you,
Fred, yeah. No, I'm happy over here, no, I. Listen- what'd
you get me again there, Fred, I- I can't remember what you
got me, I- I know I got you the fourteen million, but I can't.
I can't remember for the life of- Oh, yeah- the cup! Yeah, I
remember now. Yes, thanks for asking, I'm enjoying the cup
there. I, uh- had some tea out of it the other day there, and,
uh- some coffee, I'm hoping to have some soup there and,
uh. Guess (there's) no chance of that cup skyrocketing in
value at all, eh? No, I guess that's the sensible you. Well, I
gotta go now, Fred. I gotta go apply a shard of glass to my
throat. Okay, goodbye.' "
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Check out more LAUGHS ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/laughs.shtml
[ CONTEST ]
The 26th Caption Contest is underway. It's going to be an
especially long one, as we're tripling the prize to celebrate
our 2nd anniversary. So, get your entries in by the January
6th deadline and win all three of our crappy, yet remarkably
cool Norm videos.
o Test your wit in the current contest.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
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click SUBMIT. Peace on Earth. Good will to crack whores.
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