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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#17)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
Hey, kids ... Happy Halloween!!! Hopefully, this will be a
treat for some of you. I'm constantly getting requests for
copies of our Norm tapes. So, for a limited time, with a $15
contribution you can receive a thank you gift of one of our
quirky videos!
Also, I'm beta testing new software for the NORM
FORUM. I'd really appreciate it if y'all would have a look at
it and let me know what you think. The way things are now,
it's difficult to have conversations on given topics, or reply
to specific people. I've enjoyed using "Ultimate Bulletin
Board" on other systems, and I thought it might make a good
addition to The Fake News. It isn't cheap, so I'd like to
make sure it'll be used.
Your continued support is appreciated. Enjoy, -N!
o Info on the Norm Video offer.
mailto:editor?subject=Videos
o Check out the new NORM FORUM.
http://www.thefakenews.net/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/Ultimate.cgi
[ SPONSOR ]
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including Polaroid, Braun, Dremel, and others.
o Donate 15 CENTS to The Fake News with a click!
http://www.thefakenews.net/sponsor.shtml
[ NEWS ]
Oct. 30 (Details) -- Details magazine writer MICHAEL
KAPLAN sat in for a 6-hour, after-midnight poker session
with Norm and pals (after a night of work on his debut
comedy CD). Along the way, Our Hero talked about his
rather expensive hobby, "People think of [gambling] as a
sickness. But it is the only sickness where you can
potentially win huge sums of money." And he does win.
Once he won $50,000 at blackjack, and another time he ran a
slim bankroll up to $80,000 at the craps table. He also loses.
Last football season, he lost tens of thousands of dollars, but
eventually hit it big and was due almost $100,000 -- only to
have his bookie skip town. "The problem with gambling is
that it's much more interesting than anything else," Norm
says. "A lot of times at 'Saturday Night Live,' I'd be
thinking about gambling instead of the show. I lost all my
money and more. But when you gamble a lot, there is
nothing else that you really feel like doing anyway. ... I
probably wouldn't gamble much if I cleaned toilets for a
living. [Showbiz money] is easy money, and you feel kind
of guilty for having it anyway." The article is a unique look
at Norm's after hours life. Check the November issue of
Details.
--
Oct. 23 (Saturday Night Live) -- TRIUMPHANT RETURN:
Our Hero pretty much said it all, "When the people here
asked me to do the show, I've got to say, I felt kind of
weird. I don't know if you remember this, but I actually used
to be on this show. ... A year and a half ago, I had sort of a
disagreement with the management at NBC. I wanted to keep
my job. Right? And they felt the exact opposite. They fired
me because they said that I wasn't funny. Now, with most
jobs, I could have had a hell of a lawsuit on my hands for
that, but see, this is a comedy show. So, they got me. But,
now, this is the weird part, it's only a year and a half later,
and now, they ask me to host the show. ... How did I go
from being not funny enough to be even allowed in the
building, to being so funny that I'm now hosting the show?
How did I suddenly get so goddamn funny?! ... Then it
occurred to me, I haven't gotten funnier, the show has gotten
really bad! So, yeah, I'm funny compared to, you know,
you'll see later. OK, so let's recap, the bad news is: I'm still
not funny. The good news is: The show blows!" We're
rather biased, but it had to be one of the betterng
monologues of recent memory. As for the sketches, well, he
delivered a lot more than he promised. Fans were treated to
reprises of his BURT REYNOLDS and LARRY KING
impersonations. There was a pretty unstable bit with him in a
toothbrush costume. But we won't dwell on that. He also
played a bartender to a MICHAEL JACKSON (TIM
MEADOWS) looking to drown his marital sorrows (Tim
actually poked a little fun at Norm by stumbling to find his
words, "So, I says to her, I says, I says." Pretty funny.)
Probably, the most brilliant sketch of the night was a parody
of "Inside the Actors Studio" in which Norm rolled out a
very subtle CLINT EASTWOOD impression. But, the real
star of the bit was WILL FERRELL as the show's "colorful"
host JAMES LIPTON. The most disappointing thing about
the evening, was Norm's lack of involvement in "Weekend
Update." A real missed opportunity there. A notable no show
during the broadcast was CHRIS KATTAN. Maybe it was in
protest? Oh, Norm said "goddamn" about three times during
the show, we're told the no-nos were censored on some west
coast affiliates.
o Listen to Norm's entire monologue.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/a/1023snl.ram
o Look at photos from the show.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/picssnl.shtml
--
Oct. 21 (Variety) -- Rest assured, "Norm" won't be canceled
any time soon. ABC has committed to a full season Norm's
comedy series by supplementing its original 13-episode order
with a "back nine" order.
--
Oct. 19 (USA Today) -- Saints be praised! ABC suits be
praised! Oh, wait, maybe that's a bit hasty. USA Today's
GARY LEVIN reports "Norm" will shift back to
Wednesdays at 9:30 ET/PT next month in a move that may
well become permanent. Current 9:30 occupant "Oh Grow
Up" will be pre-empted. It looks like the alphabet network
read the handwriting on the wall just as well as we did.
--
Read more NEWS ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/news.shtml
[ APPEARANCES ]
o "Tonight Show" appearance on Nov. 1 (NBC).
o "One Night Stand" rerun on Nov. 20 (COM).*
* Available in archive.
[ NORM ]
This week ... Episode 17: "Norm and Shelly" -- Norm feels
that Shelly is pushing for a serious commitment, but she has
a surprise in store for him. Meanwhile, Mr. Denby and
Taylor continue to help Laurie in her campaign against
Krantz (MICHAEL GROSS, "Family Ties")
--
Next week ... Episode 18: "Gambling Man" -- Down in the
dumps from his breakup with Shelly, Norm relapses and
begins gambling with other addicted gamblers (guest stars
DREW CAREY, RYAN STILES and DIEDRICH BADER
of "The Drew Carey Show"), thus breaking the terms of his
probation. CINDY WILLIAMS ("Laverne & Shirley") also
makes a guest appearance. TOM ARNOLD ("True Lies")
makes a special cameo appearance.
--
Alright, gals. Here's your chance to cozy up to the man
himself. ABC is running a "Win a Dream Date with Norm"
contest. Hurry, the contest deadline is November 3.
o Win a Date with Norm Contest
http://www.abc.go.com/primetime/norm/date/rules1.html
--
"Norm" tapings are scheduled for November 5th and 19th.
As of presstime, tickets were still available for both dates. If
you're going to be in the Burbank area, visit our friends at
AUI and snag some free tickets:
o Audiences Unlimited, Inc.
http://www.tvtickets.com
[ ARCHIVE ]
"Rolling Stone" published an article about "Saturday Night
Live" that apparently caused quite a stir among the cast.
Some were upset that so much of the piece was devoted to
Norm. It also contains the first reference to an apparent
showbiz feud between Our Hero and CHRIS KATTAN
(leading to further speculation that Kattan was an intentional
no show for Norm's hosting gig.) Norm said, "I don't
know, but to me he seems gay. He claims he's not, but I've
never seen, like, a guy who's not gay seem so gay. I don't
find him funny. What can I say? Never made me laugh." Mr.
Peepers countered, "Norm gives me a hard time. My hair got
longer over the summer and he will not stop talking about
what a gay little man I am. If Norm says I'm gay, then put in
[the article] that I say he's an asshole." It was during the
Christmas break, that DON OHLMEYER removed Norm
from "Weekend Update." Our transcription of the article
contains only the portions regarding Norman:
o Rolling Stone (Nov. 27, 1997)
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/rstone2.shtml
--
Explore our extensive ARCHIVE ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/archive.shtml
[ LAUGHS ]
"In Madison, Wisconsin, a painting that depicts a large rat
sucking at the breast of the VIRGIN MARY was removed
from a high school art display due to complaints by local
residents. The artist blamed the complaints on a lack of art
education, while I blame the complaints on the fact that it was
a painting of a large rat sucking the breast of the Virgin
Mary."
--
"Fire destroyed the home of Latin singing star JULIO
IGLESIAS. Music lovers everywhere had the same reaction,
'YES!!!' "
--
One Night Stand: "I was reading this one guy in the paper.
Baddest guy I ever read about. This guy killed his family. If
you can believe this, folks, killed his family because the
Devil told him to. Can you believe that? Man! What a dork,
eh? That was the headline, actually: "What A Dork!: Guy
Kills His Family Because the Devil Told Him To." But can
you imagine that, and then afterwards, you go back to the
devil, y'know, you go, "Yes, Devil! I did as you instructed!
I slaughtered my family as they lay sleeping, and then I
chopped 'em up and put 'em in a duffel bag. Here they are, I
got 'em here in the duffel bag. I'll be burying them tonight at
the shallow grave by the side of the railroad track, as you
have commanded, O Lord Host of the Hoary Netherworld."
And then the Devil pulls off a mask, "It's me! Bob!" Then
you go, "Oh, Bob!! (sheepishly) Jeez- you got me there,
Bob, you got me. Is my face red or what over here? I got my
family in a duffel bag! That's one for you there, Bobby
Boy!"
--
Check out more LAUGHS ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/laughs.shtml
[ CONTEST ]
The 24th Caption Contest winner is ... MATT
OVERWEG!!! The next round is already underway. Get
your entries in by the November 21st deadline and win a
copy of one of our crappy, yet remarkably cool Norm
videos.
o Check out Matt Overweg's caption.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/winner24.shtml
o Test your wit in the current contest.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
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