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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#9)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
In recent months, the magazine has experienced a huge
increase in readership, for which I'm extremely grateful.
Thanks so much for spreading the word about "The Fake
News" among your friends and coworkers.
Webmasters can show their enthusiasm by adding our
latest banner to their page. It's a standard size (468x60)
animated banner and features a likeness of Norm with our
logo. You can get your copy -- or the code to past into your
page in our LINKS section:
o Step right up, get our banner.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/links.shtml
And let me know when you put it up, so I can thank you
individually. As always, thanks for your continued
readership. -N!
[ NEWS ]
June 16 (Blockbuster Entertainment Awards) -- Blockbuster
Video is evil. Support your locally owned and operated video
store. There, that said, we'll bite our tongues through the rest
of this report. As if there weren't already too many awards
shows, Blockbuster returned with its fifth entertainment
industry hypefest (taped May 25th). Winners were selected
by more than 25 million voters in the mega-company's
stores, Planet Hollywood restaurants and via the internet --
or so they'd have you believe. Regardless, there were really
no winners worth mentioning, other than JENNIFER LOVE
HEWITT'S BREASTS, who bounced past sizable
competition in the horrible, er, "Horror Actress" category.
They beat fellow "I Still Know You're Glad to See Me" star
BRANDY and legendary scream queen JAMIE LEE
CURTIS, whose enormous talents bounded across horror
screens before Ms. Hewitt was even born. Earlier in the
telecast, Norm and fellow "SNL" alum ROB SCHNEIDER
began the stars-reading- from-a- teleprompter parade by
presenting the award for favorite comedy actor. Our Hero
chimed in with his own pick after the nominees were read, "I
hope it's ADAM [SANDLER.]" And, sure enough, it was.
Just by way of perspective, the awards broadcast was seen
by fewer people than the lowest rated "The Norm Show"
(7.4 million, Episode 5).
o Norm and Rob present an award.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/a/0616_blockbuster.ram
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June 15 (The Fake News) -- It's Emmy season. Now's the
time when Academy of Television Arts and Sciences
members select nominees for the 1998-99 Primetime Emmy
Awards. By tradition, industry newspaper "Daily Variety"
was stuffed to the gills with ads soliciting voter
"consideration" -- including a full-page plea for "The Norm
Show." Warner Bros. Television, who produce the sitcom
for ABC, placed the ad in the June 15 issue. It features
photos of both Our Hero and LAURIE METCALF, along
side these critic blurbs: "There's an oddly, needy sweetness
under Macdonald's surface self-satisfaction that keeps the
character appealing, plus a unwillingness to pander to an
audience that keeps the comic admirable." -- USA Today;
"Macdonald's character is quite smart and is key to this
series, some of which is just a hoot, its humor perfectly
tailored to its star's offbeat, sardonic style. He delivers here
with a relaxed ease." -- The Los Angeles Times; and
"Macdonald has a certain likability, a little kid charm that
meshes well with his smooth timing, and chemistry with
Metcalf." -- Weekly Variety. Kudos to whomever gleaned
those gems from the sitcoms' largely unfavorable reviews,
but please ... "chemistry with Metcalf"? Yikes! We just ate.
But wait, there's more. If you're an Academy voter, or keep
a watchful eye on online auction sites, you've probably
scored a copy of the two-episode "For your consideration"
screener which includes: "While You Weren't Sleeping"
(Ep.4) and "My Name is Norm" (Ep.5). We're scratching
our heads and mumbling, "Why those two?" It would have
been nice to see "Norm Dates Danny's Dad" put in the
running, which would give JACK WARDEN a shot at a
guest performer nod. Voters have until June 25th to decide
who they want in the race, and the nominees will be
announced July 22. NBC will broadcast the awards on
September 12. Good luck, Norm.
[ APPEARANCES ]
o "Dennis Miller Live" rerun on July 2, 4, 5, 7 (HBO).*
o "One Night Stand" rerun on July 7, 8 (COM). *
* Available in archive.
[ THE NORM SHOW ]
"TNS" has completed its run of original episodes for the
spring. Reruns begin an hour earlier July 21st.
[ ARCHIVE ]
Those folks over at MTV are geniuses. They created "The
Grind" -- a show that showcases sexy coeds gyrating to bad
music. They even improved on the formula by moving the
show to the beach and establishing a strict, nearly-nekkid
dress code. Just brilliant. Now there's this CARSON DALY
fella, who seems to be a hit with the ladies, yet, he has the
wit of a trout. Anyway, MTV hauled his program out to
Seaside Heights, New Jersey and stocked the beach-side set
with bikini-clad babes. Oh, and there might have been a guy
or two. This is were Norm spent the week (actually, the
shows were taped the same day) -- chatting up "Dirty Work"
and avoiding any exposure to the sun:
o The Carson Daly Show (June 1998)
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/carson.shtml
[ LAUGHS ]
"A new study funded by tobacco giant Philip Morris claims
that the nicotine in cigarettes may actually help prevent
Alzheimer's disease. Executives at Phillip Morris caution that
the study is not conclusive, but just to be safe, everyone on
earth should start smoking."
--
"Pop singer MADONNA was outraged this week when a
tabloid photographer snapped her picture while she was
breast-feeding her new baby. Apparently the baby was
blocking her nipple."
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Playboy '97: "I feel loose on CONAN O'BRIEN's show.
He lets me do whatever I want. We have fun. I was on once
and Conan asked where I lived in the city. I gave the exact
address because I thought it would be funny. That was
stupid. This guy showed up on my street. He was a stalker. I
didn't know what to do, so I gave him tickets to the show.
Then he came and sat close to the front. He was not
laughing. He just had this odd look on his face. I realized
this guy was crazy and that I had done the worst possible
thing. I was doing 'Update' and I kept thinking, 'Maybe
he'll shoot.' I was the most scared I've ever been. I didn't
get killed, that was the good part. I think in the end, my
stalker understood that he had been deluding himself and I
wasn't as big a star as he had thought. He's stalking MATT
LeBLANC now."
[ CONTEST ]
The 19th Caption Contest winner is ... BEN PHILLIPS!!!
The next round is already underway. Get your entries in by
the July 24th deadline and win a copy of one of our crappy,
yet remarkably cool Norm videos.
o Check out Ben's caption.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/winner20.shtml
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o Test your wit in the current contest.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
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THE FAKE NEWS
http://www.thefakenews.net
editor
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