PS Kristen don't worry about the "you look like Mike" comment cuz don't forget, baby, everyone is beatiful in the dark!! Hehe *wink wink*

He was really annoying to have around the office; I think he may have been manic-depressive, but with money like his (at the time) I guess he could afford whimsical mood swings. Like the time he called up his brother in law in the middle of the night (my boss), we're talking like 3 am, with this new idea called Millionaire School. We rushed to get the brochure done, but then he abandoned the idea. Luckily someone managed to talk him out of his even weirder idea of starting a chain of Vu walk-in medical clinics. I mean, he was the kind of person who seems really amusing and delightful from a distance, but in person, just being in his presence makes you want to soak yourself in Lysol for a little while.

When I started working there he told me that he decided to hire me because he liked my writing samples. What a liar. He was out of town the entire time between when I applied and when I took the job. My boss confirmed this. I have no idea why he felt the need to tell me he'd read my stuff when he really hadn't.

He was very dishonest about a lot of things, including his rags-to-riches story. The Vus were quite wealthy when they fled Vietnam. It's true that they lived in a tent... for about a month. Then they sent for the rest of their stuff and resumed their comfortable lifestyle.

Actually, what Tom never told people in his infomercials is that the distress property investing was only how they got their bills paid. How they really got rich was by doing the seminars. So if you really want to make serious money, you should conduct expensive seminars, not waste your time with the real estate crap. He got sued by many seminar attendees for fraud.

A few years ago he had to sell the house (and it was a huge gorgeous place that his brothers and sisters and their SOs and kids live in too) (sounds like a recipe for misery if you ask me, but I guess it worked out for them) because he could no longer afford the taxes on it. I have no idea what he's doing now. It's a shame, because his sisters were really nice, but Tom and his bro in law taught me a lot of important lessons about how sleazy people can be. In fact, one of Tom and my boss's mottos was "take advantage of other people's problems." Yes, that is a good way to make money, but I wouldn't brag about it. That was one of the things they wanted me to put in the Millionaire School brochure, but I wouldn't do it. Dunno if maybe one of the other writers put it in there instead. I was canned shortly after that, possibly because it was a pretty small office with thin walls and he might just have overheard something I said about him. :)

Alex: Welcome back to celebrity Jeopardy. Before we begin the final Jeopardy round, I'd like to remind our contestants once again to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. With that said, let's look at the scores. Sean Connery has set a new Jeopardy record with negative $39,000.

Sean: You think you're pretty smart, don't you, Trebeck? What with your Dago mustache, and your greasy hair.

A: Hey! What did I just say about ethnic slurs? From 3rd Rock from the Sun; French Stewart with -$2400.

French: I'm a late bloomer, Alex, and in double Jeopardy I'm gonna bloom!

A: Sure you will. And back again, Burt Reynolds in a commanding lead with $14.

Burt: Hey, hey ah check out the podium, look at this.

A: Mr. Reynolds has apparantly changed his name to Turd Fergusson.

B: Yeah, that's right. Turd Fergusson, it's a funny name.

A: Great. Let's take a look at the final board. Potent Potables, Sharp Things, Movies That Start With The Word "Jaws", A Petit Dejonet. That category is about French phrases so let's just skip it.

B: Hey, ah, I speak a little French. You're an assbite, pardon my French. Ha.

F: My name's French.

B: Yeah, well who gives a damn?

A: Moving on. Condoments, and finally, Your ass or a hole in the ground. Mr. Reynolds, unfortunately it's still your board so, you have the honors.

B: Yeah, I'll take ah. I'll take the condom thing for eight thousand.

A: That's condoments. For four hundred. This condoment is made from mustard seeds. French Stewart.

F: The answer, of course is onions, I'll take condoments four 200.

A: No. Burt Reynolds.

B: That's not my name.

A: OK, Turd Fergusson.

B: Ha ha. Yeah, what do you want?

A: You buzzed in.

B: No I didn't.

A: Yes you did.

B: Yeah, well that's your opinion.

A: I hate my job. The answer was mustard. Mustard is made from mustard seeds. Mr. Reynolds, it's still your board.

B: Alright, ah. Why don't you give me ape tit for 200.

A: It's not ape tit. It's a petit nevermind. Let's just go to animal sounds for 600. This is the sound a doggy makes. Sean Connery.

S: Moo.

A: No that's not correct.

S: Well, that's the sound your mother made last night.

A: Now that was uncalled for... Mr. Reynolds.

B: Who is, ah, Scooby Doo.

A: NO.

B: Yeah, that was a funny dog, Scooby Doo. He drove around in a van and ah, solved mysteries.

A: That's incorrect.

B: No, that's correct. I remember he had a pal, Scrappy Doo.

A: French Stewart.

F: Am. Who is John haggerty and the Beaver Brown Band, thank you very much, I'll take condoments for 200.

A: No! Good lord! We would've accepted bow wow or ruff.

S: Ahh, rough, just the way your mother likes it Trebeck.

A: Mr. Connery, that is way out of line(Burt Reynolds walks up to the podium with a large foam hat on) Mr. Reynolds, what are you doing?!

B: Yeah, I found this backstage, an oversized hat, it's funny.

A: No it's not.

B: Yeah it is, it's funny because it's bigger than a, you know a normal hat.

A: That's great, go back to your podium.

B: Ha. Take a look at that.

A: Yeah I see it, go back over there. It's not funny. What is going on? Let's just move on to final Jeopardy. The category is...I'll tell you what, just write a number and you win. Any number. We'll accept any number at all. A one, or a two. Or a three, or even a four. We'll begin with French Stewart who is grinning like an idiot. You think you got the right answer, do you?

F: Yes, I'm pretty sure of it, Alex.

A: Well all you had to do was write a number, and you wrote: Threeve. A combination of 3 and 5. Simply stunning.

F: No I did not get the answer from anyone else, it all came from Mr. Stewart's nogen.

A: Well, let's see what you wagered, Texas with a dollar sign in front of it. I'm speechless. Moving on to Burt Reynolds.

B: Yeah, don't bother, I didn't write anything.

A: Good work. Let's look at Sean Connery. All you had to do was write a number and you wrote, a letter v. Well, I'll tell you what my friend, v is a roman numeral, so despite your best efforts you answered correctly. Let's see what you wagered. Suck It Trebeck.

S: Hahahahahahahahahahaha.