Who me? But I'm just saying ...

Jay Leno still doesn't "get" Norm. But, you know, that fact is actually becoming amusing in itself. Our Hero just shows up, rolls with his weird vibe, and Jay just sorta sits there dumfounded (when he's not interrupting). In turn, the studio audience titters and murmurs -- not sure whether to laugh. But, Norm? He just rattles along as if a gig's a gig, and he's got a poker game to get back to as soon as the show's over. He doesn't sweat. He doesn't prod the audience for laughs. Bombing doesn't seem to phase him one way or the other. After the broadcast, we pretty much chalked it up as a loss -- and pulled out a pen to scribe anletter to Our Hero begging him to avoid future entanglements with the Black Hole of Comedy, Jay Leno. But when given the chance to review the video tape, Norm's genius began to shine ... especially, when he broke the unwritten rule of not horning in on other guests' segments. His quick wit with 10-pin enthusiast Embeth Davidtz ("Army of Darkness") was reminiscent of past "Late Night" brilliance. Check out the audio clips.

Amusing caption here.

The American Music Awards nominees were rolled out by Norm, Carmen Electra and Dick Clark on Monday in Beverly Hills. Norm says he doesn't have the slightest idea what kind of gags he'll do for the telecast. He says producers have said he can do pretty much what he wants. ''But I can't swear.'' There's a danger there, he says. ''Like, if you swear in real life, it's tough not to in those circumstances.'' He expects he'll muddle through, saying that music awards are an important part of life. ''I think it's good any time a musician gets an award. They don't get enough attention.'' (He's kidding.) As for being familiar with the people the awards will honor, Our Hero says not really. He's a country music fan, and this isn't the Country Music Association Awards. ''I don't know if my Merle Haggard references will go over well. I'll have to immerse myself in break-dancing music and stuff. We're gonna rock.'' The program is scheduled to air January 17 on ABC. E! Online reports Carmen will serve as cohost. However, ABC's release makes no mention of this.

Cock talk goes to Norm's head.

Dennis Miller never hesitates revealing the identity of his favorite guest: Norm Macdonald. They go back, way back. In fact, Dennis gave Our Hero his first big-time writing gig in showbizness (on Dennis' short-lived, post-SNL talk show). Norm was invited back, for the 4th time, to help the High Priest of Weekend Update through "The Millennium Special: 1,000 years, 100 laughs, 10 really good ones." His help consisted mostly of repeating the word "cock" about 16 times during the hour-long broadcast. And wearing funny costumes. Anyone familiar with Norman's appearances on "Dennis Miller Live" knows his child-like amusement with his freedom to say naughty words on HBO. "Cock" tops the list as he's said it about 30 times in his previous guest spots. In the special, Norm plays guests throughout the century and beyond ... each finding some way to refer to his favorite late-night cable dirty word. If you missed the show, don't you worry ... HBO will serve it up all this month. Check out the audio clips!

Boreanez, Campbell and that other guy

Norm's hosting one awards show and nominated in another. Our Hero is in the running for a People's Choice Award (determined by a Gallup poll of 200 million-plus Americans.) But to take home the "Male Performer in a New Television Series" trophy, cupie doll, or whatever the hell it is they hand out -- he'll have to beat Buffy's forbidden squeeze David Boreanez ("Angel") and a grown man named Billy Campbell ("Once and Again.") Judging by the sheer number of "Angel" fansites, the undead fella seems like a lock. The 24th Annual People's Choice Awards will be broadcast January 9 on CBS.

Carmen and Friends

God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. We're sorry to announce that Our Hero will host the 27th annual "American Music Awards" (a three-hour, live primetime telecast). Now, it's great Norm got himself a high-profile gig, but we don't look forward to enduring yet another spare-to-fair awards show. There's no doubt Norman can handle himself given last year's no holds barred ESPY broadcast. A total of 20 publicly voted awards will be presented. The nominees will be announced on Dec. 6 by executive producer Dick Clark, Norm and -- drumroll, please -- Dennis Rodman's Number One Ho ... Carmen Electra. In the Pop/Rock, Country and Soul/Rhythm & Blues slots, awards will be presented for Favorite Male and Female Artist, Favorite Group, Favorite Album and Favorite New Artist. In the Rap/Hip Hop, Latin Music, Adult Contemporary and Alternative Music categories, awards will be presented for Favorite Artist. An award will also be presented for Favorite Soundtrack. The show is scheduled to air Jan. 17 on ABC.

The Great Richard Pryor

Legendary comedian Richard Pryor will make a rare TV appearance in the Dec. 1 episode of "Norm" ("Norm vs. the Boxer"), poking fun at his multiple sclerosis. In anng gag, Pryor jumps out of his wheelchair -- with the help of a stunt double -- and attacks Our Hero, whose back is turned. Norm accuses Pryor's character of faking his disability (''You're not really a cripple!''), then drops him to the ground, hitting his head. The injured comic's response: ''I'm a rich cripple.'' Pryor liked Macdonald's work from SNL, so "Norm" producers invited him to appear. ''We were surprised and happy he went for it,'' says co-creator Bruce "The Genius" Helford. In 1996, Pryor received an Emmy nomination for his guest role in "Chicago Hope" as an MS patient who retained his sense of humor under difficult circumstances. Previous cold- sequence guests: Dennis Miller, Tom Arnold, Pokemon critters, the Devil and some other folks we forgot.

Deuce and the Bartender

Bit parts a plenty for Norm. Not only is Our Hero supposed to make an appearance in "Man on the Moon," but it seems he'll also get some screen time in "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" (as if there were such a thing as a female gigolo.) It's an Adam Sandler-produced comedy due in theaters December 10th. A fish aquarium cleaner (Rob Schneider) house sits for a client who is a man whore (Oded Fehr, "The Mummy"). One wacky mishap later -- Deuce makes a $6,000 mess and needs to clean it up -- he ends up going out on calls, so a guy who could never get the girl is now getting paid to have dirty, dirty sex. You've seen this before: Think Dan Aykroyd's "Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute" meets 1989's "Loverboy" in which a Senor Pizza delivery boy turns tricks. Anyway, back to Norm ... it seems he'll be playing a bartender in a scene that somehow has him say to Schneider, "Perhaps you misunderstood me. If you don't pay the money, I'm gonna take this swizzle stick here, and I'll be shoving that up your peehole." Sounds like Oscars all around to us. For further details on the movie, check out Upcomingmovies.com.

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