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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#16)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NORM!!! Yes, it's the big 3-6. Have
good one!
The Email Edition passed a milestone recently, its 1000th
subscriber, and I'm proud to say that this newsletter is going
out to 1,108 fans all over the world. Check the contest entry,
for further info on that. Plus, the response to the new
sponsor link was very encouraging -- we earned about 5
bucks from your clicks. If you enjoy the Email Edition, and
the website, give a little back with just a click.
Whatever you do, don't miss this week's "Saturday Night
Live." Norm will make his triumphal return, as he hosts the
show he was forced off of almost two years ago.
Your continued support is appreciated. Enjoy, -N!
[ SPONSOR ]
TOURNAMENT SOLITAIRE -- Online Solitaire game that's
FREE to play with daily cash prizes to the tournament
winners.
o Donate 10 CENTS to The Fake News with a click!
http://www.thefakenews.net/sponsor.shtml
[ NEWS ]
Oct. 16 (Saturday Night Live) -- You have to wonder why
NBC's been so tight-lipped about Norm hosting SNL, but
it's true ... as it was announced during tonight's broadcast.
Musical guests are DR. DRE with SNOOP DOG and
EMINEM. With Our Hero in New York, there's a good
chance of some short-notice talk show appearances. Most
likely HOWARD STERN and CONAN O'BRIEN.
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Oct. 14 (The Fake News) -- "Norm" slips for the third week
in the critical Nielsen rankings. The sitcom posted its lowest
ratings EVER with "Norm vs. Death," with only 6.3 million
viewers dialed into ABC. The show has dipped each week
since it's premiere, which drew 7.8 million viewers. The
freshman season of "Norm" averaged 8.3 million viewers
each week. The second episode being the all-time high with
almost 10 million. But then, it kept the majority of viewers
who'd just watched "The Drew Carey Show." Since the new
pairing with "Two Guys and a Girl" -- before "Drew" -- the
magical gel of audiences just hasn't been there. The show
squatting in the post-"Drew" slot, "Oh Grow Up," isn't
performing to expectation -- unable to rate as well as "Norm"
and "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" did last season. It seems if
Our Hero's sitcom is going to see the 8 million viewer mark
again, it'll have to be with a schedule change of some sort ...
we think that's a return to its old timeslot. And things are
going to get worse, with November sweeps just around the
corner, ABC plans to preempt "Norm" in favor of "Who
Wants To Be A Millionaire?" (Nov. 10, 17)
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Oct. 13 (The Fake News) -- Last week, we received an email
from a reader who recently screened "Foolproof." A few
days later, Ain't It Cool News published a similar reader
review. Both are decidedly negative. Both contain spoilers,
so don't read any further if you can't deal. Oh, for those who
arrived to class late, "Foolproof" was originally scheduled to
premiere next month, but has been delayed indefinitely by
Universal Pictures:
As a loyal Norm devotee and huge fan of thefakenews.net, I
feel you should be the first to know that Our Hero Norm is
about to drop a huge bomb on the American viewing public.
That bomb has a name and it's called "Foolproof." Yes,
that's right, from the comedic talents who brought you not
only "Problem Child," but "Problem Child 2," comes Our
Hero's next and hopefully last movie, "Foolproof." I
attended a screening this weekend and my lord, 90 minutes
have never lasted longer. The film follows Norm as a butler
who doesn't get any respect from his withered old employer.
So, what else would any American do? They'd seek revenge.
So, he and DAVE CHAPPELLE steal this old bag's pooch,
and leave a ransom note for $1,000,000. But the kidnapping
goes wrong and, ala "There's Something About Mary," the
dog is insane. He bites Norm's hand, spraying blood all over
the place, and then to top all of that off the duo lose the dog
when they leave the house. Flash to morning and the
woman, please forgive me I cant remember her name or
character name, sees the blood splattered around her mansion
and assumes that Willard (Norm) has been kidnapped.
Wackiness and hijinks ensue as Dave and Norm try to make
the public believe he was kidnapped. This goes on for what
seems like hours. I personally loved "Dirty Work," but I
absolutely despise this film. It was unfunny, paced like a
snail, and was so bad I wanted my money back, but knew I
couldn't get it because it was a free screening. But who
knows, it's only October, and the movie doesn't come out till
spring. I'm praying they do something about this awful piece
of cinematic trash. BAKED SPAM
o The Ain't It Cool News reader's review.
http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com/display.cgi?id=4519
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Read more NEWS ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/news.shtml
[ APPEARANCES ]
o "Dennis Miller" rerun (5.9.98) on Oct. 20 (HBO).*
o "Saturday Night Live" host on Oct. 23 (NBC).
o "Chris Rock Show" appearance on Oct. 29 (HBO).
o "One Night Stand" rerun on Oct. 29 (COM).*
* Available in archive.
[ NORM ]
This week ... Episode 15: "Norm and Shelly in Love" -- Just
when Shelly (FAITH FORD, "Murphy Brown") starts to
give in to Norm's advances, she discovers he's back to his
old gambling habits after he begins to run a football pool at
the office. Meanwhile, Laurie joins a video dating service.
Legendary soul singer LOU RAWLS makes a special guest
appearance.
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Next week ... Episode 16: "Laurie Runs For Office" --
Disappointed with Councilman Katz's (MICHAEL GROSS)
politics, Laurie decides to change them herself and
campaigns against him. Meanwhile, Norm and Shelly's
relationship heats up. Faith Ford and Michael Gross
("Family Ties") guest star.
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"Norm" tapings are scheduled for October 29 and November
5. As of presstime, tickets were still available for both dates.
If you're going to be in the Burbank area, visit our friends at
AUI and snag some free tickets:
o Audiences Unlimited, Inc.: "Norm"
http://www.tvtickets.com/magic.acgi$ShowDetail?ID=64
[ ARCHIVE ]
Most guys have discovered Maxim magazine by now. It's
got a little of everything and a lot of nearly nekkid starlets
and models. And there's even articles in there! Norm wrote
one for them, more than a year ago, offering revenge tactics
for everyday situations. Very funny stuff.
o "Revenge-O-Matic" (June 1998)
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/maxim.shtml
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Explore our extensive ARCHIVE ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/archive.shtml
[ LAUGHS ]
"After a 15-year absence, the New York Yankees are back in
the World Series and some New Yorkers have come up with
a novel way of snagging those hard-to-come-by tickets:
murdering guys with tickets and stealing them."
--
"Weekend Update would like to congratulate MADONNA,
who gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last Monday. The
baby weighed in at six pounds, nine ounces, making it the
fourth largest object ever to pass through Madonna's birth
canal. Congratulations, Madonna!"
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Late Night: "They should have blooper shows for pornos,
you know? I'm sure they make mistakes on the set and
everything. It'd be funny to see the girl going, 'You know
Harry, you have a huge clock. Oh! Ho! Ho!' "
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Check out more LAUGHS ...
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/laughs.shtml
[ CONTEST ]
Congratulations to the 1000th Email Edition subscriber ...
BRIAN LYNCH! We announced the contest in our last
issue, and a few days later, we had our winner!
--
Our 24th Caption Contest wraps up this week. Get your
entries in by the Thursday deadline and win a copy of one of
our crappy, yet remarkably cool Norm videos.
o Test your wit in the current contest.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
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THE FAKE NEWS
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