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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#5)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
Oops. Some of y'all got this three times. Sorry! The server
was having a fit. So, how is "The Norm Show" doing? Well,
it's posting strong numbers, but not quite as high-flying as its
stellar start.
Episode #5 ("My Name is Norm" 4/21) was the lowest yet
... with about 7.4 million viewers. That's mostly because of
folks tuning to "news" programs to hear about the Littleton
tragedy. TNS eeked out about 8 million this past week, but still
no where near the 9.2 million of its debut, or its highest rated
episode -- #2 ("Norm Dates a Client" 3/31) -- which was seen
by almost 10 million viewers.
Here's something for DON OHLMEYER to mull over ...
this year's *HIGHEST* rated "Saturday Night Live" starred
GWYNETH PALTROW and that episode only drew 7.3
million. Still not besting Norm's *LOWEST* rating.
For reasons unknown, the most recently shot episode,
"Denby's Kid," skips ahead of three other installments to air
this week. Perhaps, it's to sure up MAX WRIGHT's role on
the program? Maybe the other episodes aren't as strong?
(We're entering May sweeps, kids. Big advertising dollars and
even the show's timeslot may be at stake. You can see why
they might juggle some episodes around.) If only the good
folks at "The Norm Show" paid any attention to "The Fake
News" -- we'd be able to give you a definitive answer.
Such is the role of a insignificant fan magazine that's only
read by 8,500 fans weekly. -N!
[ NEWS ]
April 26 (Politically Incorrect) -- What's the showbiz
equivalent to serving jury duty? Being a panelist on BILL
MAHER's "Politically Incorrect." And apparently Norm
couldn't get out of it -- making his third appearance on the
program. Bumped to ungodly hours in most major markets,
this former Comedy Central powerhouse lost its thunder after
the '96 presidential race and a move to the alphabet network.
Maher reverently apes a politically savvy JOHNNY CARSON,
while moderating debate between often amusingly dissimilar
panelists. Last night, there was political columnist ARIANA
HUFFINGTON, B-movie mogul LLOYD KAUFMAN,
socially-conscious actor EDWARD JAMES OLMOS and good
ol' Norm. The biggest happening of the night was the verbal
brawl that got rather heated between Olmos and Maher, who
differed on how affective GANDHI would have been in
dealing with the turmoil in Kosovo. The two made up, but
Norm was a little rattled (while sporting his new, closely-
cropped hairdo.) Another topic was the Littleton tragedy,
which also made for some pins-and-needles moments. ABC
has provided a transcript and we have our abridged version,
which has been Normanized for your protection.
o Check out our transcript and audio.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/0426pi.shtml
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April 25 (The Fake News) -- Just when it appeared Norm's
marital situation was finally established ... BLAMO! This
week, in response to a viewer question, the official "Norm
Show" website stated that he is, in fact, divorced. Gee, that's
strange. Last month, he told HOWARD STERN he was
actually SEPARATED from his wife. That revelation came
during the course of much cajoling, and after Norm had just
said he was married. Technically, that's true, but the couple
has been living apart for many months (apparently on relatively
good terms.) Clearly, Norm doesn't like talking about it. He
says it's to protect CONNIE and their little boy. It's not really
any business of ours, and frankly, we couldn't care less. But
it's a question on the lips of many a female fan. So, ladies,
depending on who you ask, he's fair game. Norm says he's
separated, any number of magazine articles say divorced, as
does ABC's "official" site -- and they'd NEVER be wrong.
Heh. For now, content yourself with some new photos in our
PICTURES area. We said NEW, not nude. Pervos!
o Check out new pictures.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/pics.shtml
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April 16 (The Fake News) -- "The Fake News" correspondent
GUY GARDNER gives us a first-hand account from the April
16 taping of "The Norm Show." This was the final show of
ABC's original 10-episode order. Read it, but beware it
contains spoilers.
o Read about Episode 10 (Airs 7th): "Denby's Kid."
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/report041699.shtml
[ APPEARANCES ]
o Norm's March 24 "Stern" visit airs May 6 (E!).
o "One Night Stand" rerun on May 16, 26 (COM).*
* Available in archive.
[ THE NORM SHOW ]
This week ... Episode 7: "Denby's Kid" -- When Mr. Denby's
son, Jason (MICHAEL BACALL), comes to help out in the
office, Norm encourages the boy to ditch plans of military
school so he can follow his dream of becoming a chef. When
Norm convinces Jason to smooth things over with his dad by
preparing a gourmet meal, he's shocked to discover the "secret
ingredient" Jason has added to everyone's food. Meanwhile,
Molly finds her job too depressing, and Laurie tries to prove
her wrong.
o Latest Rating:
Episode 6: "The New Boss"
8 rating/12 share - 7,952,000 viewers
o Highest Rating:
Episode 2: "Norm Dates A Client"
10.1 rating/16 share - 9,996,000 viewers
o Lowest Rating:
Episode 5: "My Name is Norm"
7.5 rating/11 share - 7,455,000 viewers
[ ARCHIVE ]
Despite our NEWS archive ... we still get this question, "Why
was Norm fired from SNL?" Well, even the question is wrong.
He was never fired. He was "reassigned" away from the
"Weekend Update" desk. It didn't make sense. But TOM
SHALES of the Washington Post laid it all out in near
black-and-white:
o Check out Shale's article from Jan. 14, 1998.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/post.shtml
[ LAUGHS ]
"In an attempt to secure federal funding, a rural Idaho county
wants the state transportation board to designate some of its
roads as 'back-country byways.' To strengthen their case, local
officials plan to sexually assault NED BEATTY."
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MTV Spring Break '98: "Here at Panama City Beach, strip
clubs are very popular. But, you know, who can afford to give
away dollar bills all night long? That's why I always bring this
with me: a giant bag of pennies! So, while J.P. MONEYBAGS
is sitting next to you throwing away dollar after dollar, you're
making strippers earn their money. You just get six bucks in
pennies, and you're set for the entire week! It's great!"
[ CONTEST ]
The winner of our 18th Caption Contest was none other than
POKEY MARTIN. There were more than 200 entrants.
Congrats to our winner, and those whose captions made the
finals. The 19th contest is already in progress. Get your entries
in by the May 29th deadline and win a copy of one of our
crappy, yet remarkably cool Norm videos.
o Check out Pokey's winning caption.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/winner18.shtml
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o Try your hand at our current contest.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/contest.shtml
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THE FAKE NEWS
http://www.thefakenews.net
editor
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