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THE FAKE NEWS (EE#3)
An e-zine for Norm Macdonald fans
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[ FROM THE EDITOR ]
I hate advertising. But what I hate more is this bill I just got
from my web host.
Now before you go blaming them, don't. You see, last
month, we signed up for what amounted to a cheeseburger
combo meal and the site wound up gulping down five lobster
dinners. And they sorta think I should pay up. I had three
choices: pay for the overusage (about $1,000) and remove the
RealAudio we feature; move to a higher usage group (about
$1,300 a year); or hang myself in a dirty motel room and have
folks whisper it was some pervo-auto-erotic-asphyxiation deal.
I chose the middle one.
Thanks to our explosive growth in readership, there's the
possibility of recouping the increased costs IF we take on
advertising. These currently exist in two forms: pay-per-click
banners and commission sales. Please, please, please click on
the banners you see throughout the magazine -- they pay us
anywhere from 5-to-20 cents every time you do. Also, we earn
a generous commission from your purchases at CDNOW and
Amazon.com (but ONLY if you click on one of their banners,
or use the search engines featured ON OUR PAGES). Both are
companies I highly recommend and shop online with on a
regular basis. So, if you're thinking, "How can I help?" I just
told you. Pay attention. ;-)
Enough with the dreary business matters. Let's have a look at
what's happening at The Fake News. -N!
[ NEWS ]
April 10 (Associated Press) -- One of Norm's heroes is still in
the news ... country music star GEORGE JONES has been
billed by the state of Tennessee for $2,492.44 for damage
caused when he slammed his truck into a bridge last month.
"We send bills to drivers in all cases causing damage like this,"
said LUANNE GRANDINETTI, an official for the state
transportation department. "Mr. Jones is being treated like any
other individual in our attempt to recover taxpayers' money."
Jones, 67, was hospitalized for 13 days after the March 6 crash
with critical injuries. He had returned to his country estate, but
was taken back to the hospital early this month with an
irregular heartbeat. He was released a second time and sent
home Friday. Cause of the crash was originally attributed by
the Tennessee Highway Patrol to inattention while using his car
phone, but a subsequent investigation has led Williamson
County District Attorney General RON DAVIS to seek a grand
jury subpoena for blood-alcohol test records taken while Jones
was at the hospital.
--
April 8 (The Hollywood Reporter/Associated Press) --
Stepping up their public fit, the National Association of Social
Workers picketed Wednesday outside ABC's headquarters.
Their objections include the fact that Norm's character has no
professional qualifications, has dirty sex with clients and
frequently belittles those who come to his office seeking help.
"You can't just walk off the street and become a social
worker," said NASW board member JOHN EDWARDS, who
held a sign that read "Norm, Get a License." Our Hero laughed
off the NASW last week, "Angry social workers? Sounds
pretty dangerous. ... Hey, I'm just pretending. It's
make-believe. How about those shows where there's aliens?"
Meanwhile, "The Norm Show" saw its lowest Nielsen ratings
yet, but still ruled its time slot and, along with "The Drew
Carey Show," won Wednesday night for ABC. "TNS" earned
a 9.0/13 (10.6/16 last week, for 17th place.)
o Visit the NASW's Norm Free Zone.
http://www.naswdc.org/PiecesNASW/normfree.htm
--
April 2 (Dennis Miller Live) -- Weekend Update high priest
DENNIS MILLER took time out from hocking Orange Drink
to do that show on HBO where he "rants" and mentions
LINDA BLAIR a lot. We're big fans here, but miss the days
when the D-Man was well, relevant, babe. Remember when
you were actually too busy laughing at that obscure NED
BEATTY reference that you didn't notice that his
obsessive-compulsive disorder forced him to punctuate the
levity with a halting "And, uuuuuuhhhhh" EVERY DAMN
TIME!?! But we don't want to get off on a rant here. He digs
Norm, so he's good people. "Year in and year out my favorite
guest," so he says. The boys revisited their favorite topic (not
ours) -- the pinnacle of maleness -- the penis. Well, they use
another word. But, hey, the focus of the program was "Bad
Taste." Mull that over, ladies. In fact, y'all will be most
interested to hear Norm's approach to the dating scene. Let's
just say he's direct.
o Check out the audio and transcript.
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/0402miller.html
--
April 1 (The Fake News) -- There's cause for celebration
tonight as the cameras roll on the eighth episode of "The Norm
Show." Norm's fledgling sitcom beat is competition again this
week, earning a 10.6/16 rating (Roughly the same numbers
posted last week.) In fact, the premiere scored in the Top 20 --
an impressive feat for any program, especially a debut. Its
leadin, "The Drew Carey Show," bested its previous weeks'
ratings with a jump to 11.6/18 (10.5/16 last week.) This is
probably due in part to a viewer contest related to the episode.
--
March 26 (National Association of Social Workers) -- Not only
can they take children ... they can pitch a royal fit. Since word
got out Norm's sitcom springs from the unlikely "situation" of
a hockey player being court-ordered into social work, folks at
the National Association of Social Workers have been none too
happy. Sorta like when junk dealers screamed to holy hell
when "Sanford and Son" first hit the air back in '72. But by in
large social workers aren't screamers. They put pen to paper
and wrote everyone from Norm to ABC presidents JAMIE
TARSES and ROBERT IGER. Then they hauled off and had
themselves a press conference ... with cameras and everything.
You see, they want Norm to spend some time with a real social
worker to learn about the profession. Members are even
considering attending a "The Norm Show" taping to make just
that sort of invitation. And they mean it. Here's their position
statement:
"If he wants to play a Social Worker on television
then he needs to play by the rules."
-- Josephine Nieves, executive director of the NASW
Representatives from the National Association of Social
Workers (NASW) held a news conference to charge Norm
Macdonald's character and others on the new ABC sitcom,
"The Norm Show," with grievous violations of the
professional Social Workers Code of Ethics.
"We know it's a television show meant to be funny. But, for
starters, Norm's character is practicing Social Work without a
license. Would anyone buy the premise of a show in which a
tax-evading hockey player was sentenced to do community
service as, say, a surgeon? We're a licensed, credentialed
profession, and we've got a professional reputation to uphold,"
explains JOSEPHINE NIEVES, executive director of NASW's
national office.
In the show Norm Macdonald plays Norm Henderson who's
given the option by a judge of going to jail or "becoming" a
Social Worker. He chooses the latter option.
During the press conference NASW presented a list of formal
charges with specific ethical code violations to be served on the
cast and producers of The Norm Show. Under NASW rules,
they'll have 60 days in which to respond. NASW officially
designated its organization a "Norm Free Zone."
"We've already heard from Norm's fans that we need to get a
sense of humor. Social Workers have a great sense of humor.
But when it comes to our Code of Ethics, standards of practice
and protecting our clients, we get serious," according to
Nieves.
In front of the KABC Television in Los Angles, JANET
SCHULMAN, a California Social Worker and member of
NASW's national board, presented a four-count "indictment"
of Norm Macdonald, AKA, Norm Henderson, alleging:
o Count 1: Code of Ethics Violation 4.06: Misrepresentation
Norm has no professional credentials yet calls himself a
"Social Worker." In every state the practice of Social Work
requires a social work degree and a license.
o Count 2: Code of Ethics Violation 4.01: Unprofessional/
Unethical Conduct
Social Workers do not bribe their clients.
o Count 3: Code of Ethics Violation 1.07: Violation of
Confidentiality Agreement
Norm's friends shouldn't know who his clients are.
o Count 4: Code of Ethics Violation 1.12: Use of Derogatory
Language
Social Workers should not treat clients in a disrespectful or
demeaning manner.
Schulman explained, "If any of our members did any of these
things, we'd file a complaint. So, if Norm wants to play a
Social Worker on TV, we just want him to play by the rules."
[ APPEARANCES ]
o "One Night Stand" rerun on April 17, 27 (COM).*
* Available in archive.
[ THE NORM SHOW ]
This week ... "While You Weren't Sleeping" -- Laurie finds it
impossible to fall asleep with her new boyfriend, Paul
(ALASTAIR DUNCAN), and turns to Norm for comfort.
However, Norm's latest fling, Becky (CAPRICE
BENEDETTI), quickly becomes annoyed by this intrusion.
Meanwhile, Danny finds confidence and a girlfriend
(REBECCA McFARLAND) when he buys a hairpiece.
[ ARCHIVE ]
Thanks to the generosity of MATT HERBERT, the pants-less
guy, we're pleased to bring you some of Norm's funniest
moments with CONAN O'BRIEN. This week ...
o "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," March 1996
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/0396conan.html
--
This is required reading: Rolling Stone's DAVID WILD
follows the genesis of "The Norm Show" and even takes us
behind the scenes of Norm's mysterious comedy album.
Thanks to CHRIS WILCOX for keying it in for us.
o Check out "Mr. Wrong."
http://www.thefakenews.net/n/rstone3.html
[ LAUGHS ]
"Last week in Kansas City, two homeless people who met at a
soup kitchen were married in front of homeless guests at the
very same soup kitchen. For those who want to give the couple
a wedding gift, they're registered at Kansas City's District 5
Recycling Plant."
--
"In California, pet owners can now take canine friends to the
world's first doggy wedding chapel, where dogs can be
married in a civil ceremony, ending when the Justice of the
Peace says, 'You may now sniff the ass.' "
--
On "Politically Incorrect": "I think sexual harassment is ... a
thing where you have to look at both sides. You know, like to
PAULA JONES, it's a case of like, you know, he was
governor of Arkansas and he used his position, you know, to
harass her, and then now he's the president and he's using his
position to cover it up. And from [BILL] CLINTON's point of
view, Paula Jones is probably just playing really, really hard to
get."
[ CONTEST ]
The Caption Contest is in full swing.
--
THE FAKE NEWS
http://www.thefakenews.net
editor
--
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