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Not only can they take children ... they can pitch a royal fit. Since word got out Norm's sitcom springs from the unlikely "situation" of a hockey player being court-ordered into social work, folks at the National
Association of Social Workers have been none too happy. Sorta like when junk dealers screamed to holy hell when "Sanford and Son" first hit the air back in '72. But by in large social workers aren't screamers. They put pen to paper and wrote everyone from Norm to ABC presidents Jamie Tarses and Robert Iger. Then they hauled off and had themselves a press conference ... with cameras and everything. You see, they want Norm to spend some time with a real social worker to learn about the profession. Members are even considering attending a "The Norm Show" taping to make just that sort of invitation. And they mean it. Here's their position statement:
"If he wants to play a Social Worker on television
then he needs to play by
the rules."

-- Josephine Nieves, executive director of the NASW

Representatives from the National Association of
Social Workers (NASW) held a news conference to charge Norm Macdonald's character and
others on the new ABC sitcom, "The Norm Show," with grievous violations of the professional
Social Workers Code of Ethics.

"We know it's a television show meant
to be funny. But, for starters, Norm's character is practicing Social Work without a
license. Would anyone buy the premise of a show in which a tax-evading hockey player was
sentenced to do community service as, say, a surgeon? We're a licensed, credentialed
profession, and we've got a professional reputation to uphold," explains
Josephine Nieves, executive director of NASW's national office.

In the show Norm Macdonald plays Norm Henderson
who's given the option by a judge of going to jail or "becoming" a Social
Worker. He chooses the latter option.

During the press conference NASW presented a list
of formal charges with specific ethical code violations to be served on the cast and
producers of The Norm Show. Under NASW rules, they'll have 60 days in which to
respond. NASW officially designated its organization a "Norm Free Zone."

"We've already heard from Norm's
fans that we need to get a sense of humor. Social Workers have a great sense of humor. But
when it comes to our Code of Ethics, standards of practice and protecting our clients, we
get serious," according to Nieves.

Janet Schulman (pictured with California Chapter Executive Director Janlee Wong in front of the KABC Television in Los Angles), a California Social Worker and
member of NASW's national board, presented a four-count "indictment" of
Norm Macdonald, AKA, Norm Henderson, alleging:

- Count 1: Code of Ethics
Violation 4.06: Misrepresentation
Norm has no professional credentials yet calls himself a "Social Worker." In
every state the practice of Social Work requires a social work degree and a license.
- Count 2: Code of Ethics
Violation 4.01: Unprofessional/Unethical Conduct
Social Workers do not bribe their clients.
- Count 3: Code of Ethics
Violation 1.07: Violation of Confidentiality Agreement
Norm's friends shouldn't know who his clients are.
- Count 4: Code of Ethics
Violation 1.12: Use of Derogatory Language
Social Workers should not treat clients in a disrespectful or demeaning manner.
Schulman explained, "If any of our members
did any of these things, we'd file a complaint. So, if Norm wants to play a Social
Worker on TV, we just want him to play by the rules."


Norm's appearances on "Late Night" are legendary. During his time at "Saturday Night Live," he had numerous occasions to visit with Conan O'Brien -- each time always broke out in some form of comedic mayhem. Norm was clearly happy to be back on the program, after his last appearance was nixed by Don "The Weasel" Ohlmeyer. In fact, this was Our Hero's first visit in more than a year. As in times past, he took the opportunity to discuss Andy Richter's alleged passion for gay porn. He also told the "Midgets Go To Las Vegas" story that fans were treated to during a recent "The Norm Show" taping. But the real fun came when the beautiful and buxom Roshumba Williams arrived to hock her upcoming book "Being a Model." Norm and Andy were so dumbstruck after hugging the provocatively dressed Roshumba, they hugged each other while giggling like schoolboys. Conan did his best to conduct a serious interview. She explained how an exboyfriend had given her a g-string outfit as a makeup gift, while another had given her a plastic key chain -- which she wished she'd brought to show Conan. Norm interrupted, "Why didn't you bring out the g-string?" The crowd exploded with laughter and more hilarity followed. A great appearance. Check out the audio clips and transcript
(as soon as someone volunteers to key that in.)

The almighty Nielsen ratings are in and "The Norm Show" did the nearly unthinkable by keeping 100 percent of "The Drew Carey Show" viewers tuned in. While its time-slot predecessor "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" averaged an 11 percent falloff with its last five airings to follow first-run episodes of "Drew Carey." Not bad, not bad at all. Our Hero's prime-time debut earned a 9.3 rating (15 share in homes) and a 7.2/18 in the key 18-49 demographic, retaining 100 percent of its 18-49 leadin from "Drew Carey'' (9.5/15 in homes). "Norm" beat its competition by 5 shares in adults 18-49 and by 1 share in homes. And just so these numbers mean something: there are an estimated 99.4 million television households in the US; a single ratings point represents 994,000 households. The suits at ABC should be mighty pleased.


"The Norm Show" scores. It's funny. It's typically Norm. But then again, I'm not what you'd call an unbiased critic. But, honestly, who is? No thanks to ABC, who haven't been entirely helpful, I finally landed a two-episode screener ("Norm & The Prototype" and "Norm Dates a Client.") By now, most of you have seen the premiere and have heard about the second. But let's review the video tape shall we? First up, Norm tries to reform a beautiful young whore, played by the exceptionally "talented" -- if you know what I mean, and I think you do -- Nikki Cox ("Unhappily Ever After.") Norm screws up, almost gets sent to prison. Laurie (Laurie Metcalf) helps him do the right thing. In the second episode, Norm has dirty sex with a beautiful client and almost gets sent to prison. Laurie does her darndest to help him do the right thing. Sound formulaic? You bet. Funny? Hysterical! Hell, Lucy spent years trying to get Ricky to let her on the show. Fans of "Felicity" (you don't have to raise your hands) will recognize Norm's coworker Danny (Ian Gomez) as Javier the "colorful" coffee shop manager recently written out of the series. Sadly, Gomez' talent was far better showcased on the WB. On "TNS," he comes off as a cleaned up Artie Lange (Norm's "Dirty Work" pal.) He deserves better. Wait ... Zuzu, the official wiener dog of "The Fake News," wants me to praise the work of Norm's clever, low-riding sidekick. But don't go strapping a mop to YOUR dachshund -- use duct tape. "Norm Dates a Client" also features a must-see doggie CPR demonstration. The future of "The Norm Show" remains to be seen ... hopefully, we'll at least be treated to ABC's 10-episode order. Critical opinion seems split, leaning toward disapproval. Click for their thoughts.


Graduate from high school in the last, oh ... year? Want to feel old? Tune in for the weekday whip known as "Total Request Live." You'll be served the 10 most requested videos of the day (so we're led to believe) -- a mixture of crap and, well, crap. Thankfully we were spared the yabbering Carson Daly, who's wit still hasn't progressed beyond that of your average freshwater trout. And we all know why HE wasn't there! It's because he's dating Jennifer Love Hewitt's Breasts -- they HATE Norm and undoubtably forbade Daly to go near Our Hero. Hewitt's Breasts first battled Norm last summer when their movie "Can't Hardly Wait" smothered "Dirty Work" at the box office -- and they threaten to do the same in markets where "Party of Five" airs during "The Norm Show" time slot. But we digress. Instead of Daly, we got the fairly competent VJ and "TRL" guest-host Dave Holmes (no not that Holmes) who seems to dig Norm's scene. They chatted about New York watering holes and Norm even gave acting tips to a fella on the street. Oh, and apparently his handlers told him the kids say "sweet" a lot. Check out the audio clips and transcript
(as soon as someone volunteers to key that in.)
| March 24 | The Howard Stern Show
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Unfortunately, we here in Dallas lost "The Howard Stern Show" in 1997. But Mark Mercer of the famous "Mark's Friggin Howard Stern Stuff" files this report:
Norm Macdonald Comes In. 3/24/99. 9:20am

Comedian Norm Macdonald came in to promote his new TV show "The Norm Show" which premieres
tonight on ABC at 9:30. Norm had his usual assortment of wacky stories to tell about his bizarre life. He's
been telling Howard that he's been married all of these years but Howard finally found out today that he's
separated from his wife. They only live 2 blocks from each other so Norm can still visit his son easily. Howard
had all kinds of weird notes about Norm also. Norm claims that he's got about 6 inches of penis when he's
flaccid but it stays the same size when he's aroused. Norm claims that he doesn't date since he got separated
from his wife. Howard found that a little bizarre. Norm also told a story about how he ran through an orchestra
on David Letterman's show and fell on a flutist. He ended up breaking her finger and her very expensive flute.
There was a whole lawsuit filed over it but it was settled and Norm didn't have to pay anything. Norm's buddy
Artie Lange was hanging out in the green room so Howard had him come in also. Artie used to be on "Mad TV"
until he was fired for drug use. Artie will be in a movie coming out this fall called "The Bachelor." There were
also two women, Laura and Lou, hanging out waiting to meet Norm so Howard brought them in. He said they
looked like housewives but Artie seemed interested in them. They claimed that they were big fans of Norm's
but they didn't even go to see his movie "Dirty Work" when it was out. They did say that they spit at the TV
when Colin Quinn took over for Norm on Saturday Night Live. They said that they'll be taping "The Norm
Show" tonight because they're not sure how long it'll be on the air. Not a lot of confidence for Norm fans.
There was a lot of other things going on during this segment. They spent time talking about Norm's gambling
habit and about how Norm once received only a quarter of a star on an international "Star Search" show. He said it was a
really bad two minutes for him. Norm's co-star on "The Norm Show" is Laurie Metcalf who used to be on
"Roseanne." Norm used to write for the show and when Howard asked him if he ever banged Roseanne he
just kind of laughed but didn't deny it. Norm said that they've got an order for 10 shows and 7 of them have
been shot so far. Sam Simon, executive producer of "The Simpsons," directed most of the episodes shot so
far. Norm and Artie both told Howard that the new format for the Saturday night show is great and all of their
friends tell them they tune away from "Saturday Night Live" to watch it.
TV Guide's Rich Brown was also listening and has this report:
He plays a social worker on
ABC's The Norm Show, but
it sounds like star Norm
Macdonald would be more
suitable playing the guy
who tells his troubles on the
couch.

The former Saturday Night
Live funnyman told
real-life tales of gambling,
throwing punches and
dealing with one
particularly scary fan during
an appearance on
Wednesday's Howard Stern
Show. Macdonald, who
happens to play a guy with
a gambling problem on his
new sitcom, admits that during a recent visit to New York's
Mayfair Club he lost $3,900 playing poker with a couple of
pros. "I just like gambling," he says. "I don't care about
winning."

Macdonald says he once won almost $100,000 betting on
college basketball, but he wasn't able to collect on the
bets because his bookie skipped town. "You have no
recourse. How the hell am I going to break the guy's legs?"

Macdonald also talked about a creepy male stalker who
has bombarded him with phone calls since meeting him
on a New York street. And he admitted to a tendency to
engage in the occasional roughhousing: "I don't like to
fight, but when I get drunk, I fight."


Norm had praise for Jon Stewart saying he's a lot better than Craig Kilborn, "I didn't like that other guy." Other than that, he didn't have a whole lot to say. Stewart scrambled to get him to hurry up and talk during the 4-minute interview. They reminisced about the recent Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, "where everybody's a f- ... uhh, uhh comedian" and there's very little oxygen. And before splitting, Norm explained the difference between the networks. CBS is run by "a bunch of fucking Columbians!" Check out the audio clips and transcript
(as soon as someone volunteers to key that in.)

 
 Kathie Lee wasn't there to admire Norm's eyes again, but bubbly "Annie Get Your Gun" star Bernadette Peters giggled enough to earn her keep as guest hostess. Our Hero charmed the audience, while goofing on Clinton, working out and his own rising star. Regis ran the "Popeye clip," and asked what would be different about "The Norm Show" than other sitcoms. Norm joked, "Nothing. It's exactly the same." Tom Green also guested and freaked folks out. In between weirdness, Tom told Regis he grew up only a few blocks from Norm's old stomping grounds. Check out the audio clips and transcript
(as soon as someone volunteers to key that in.)


PURE GENIUS!!!
Let's say you were a guest on "The Late Show" four times last year, and
here you are again. You've got this new show to plug and you really want
folks to notice. What to do? Phone up controversial boxing promoter Don
King, that's what! Norm limped through his first talk show appearance in
almost nine months, but eventually came to life -- when David Letterman
actually let the man talk. You see, Dave found it hard to contain his
enthusiasm for "The Norm Show" which he calls "unbelievably funny" and
predicts will be a "huge hit." But Our Hero did squeeze in a couple amusing stories about
his move to El Lay and seeing "Life Is Beautiful." The real fun came
during the second segment, when Norm confessed he isn't comfortable
promoting himself, "I'd rather just talk and tell stupid stories." So,
he asks if his manager could come out and pitch the show -- out walks Don
King to the cheers of the crowd, and the astonishment of Letterman:
"NORM MACDONALD, Y'ALL! ... He put the 'C' in comedy, the 'L' in Levity.
He's Norm Macdonald! And it's our show on Wednesday night, 9:30, on ABC!
I'm excited!" You get the idea. Dave apparently lost some money on the
Evander Holyfield-Lennox Lewis bout, because his first question was, "Don shouldn't you be
out fixing fights?" Just shows how a clever stunt can make for very
amusing television. Check out the audio clips and transcript
(as soon as someone volunteers to key that in.)

 It won't be due to lack of promotion by ABC if "The Norm Show" fails. Our Hero's sitcom was featured in no fewer than four promos during the 71st Academy Awards -- two specifically touting its premiere. We realize not all of you sat through the nearly 4-hour brouhaha -- you may have missed Whoopi Goldberg dropping an S-bomb during herng monologue, wacky Italian Roberto Benigni tap dancing on Billy Bob Thornton's head, or Stephen Spielberg sitting bewildered as "Shakespeare in Love" walked away with his Best Picture Oscar -- so, here's the two "TNS" promos presented via G2 RealVideo.

"The Fake News" correspondent Russell Wilde gives us a first-hand account from the March 19 taping of "The Norm Show." Read it, but beware it contains spoilers.

Here's a chance to make some "Name That Tune" dough off your friends. Canadian troubadours Doug and the Slugs have landed their song "Too Bad" as "The Norm Show" theme. First released as a single in 1980, the song is available on two of the band's CDs: Cognac & Bologna and Slugcology 101: A Decade of Doug and the Slugs (Both of which may be purchased at the band's site.)

  

If yours was among the estimated 33 million households who listened to Monica Lewinsky explain how "sensual" she is, chances are you saw a promo for "The Norm Show," assuming you weren't busy yakking your guts out. The spot was one of several in ABC's current rotation touting Norm's return to network television. (Click photos above to view promos via the miracle of RealVideo.) But, wait, there's more. The official "TNS" website rolled out this week offering fans exclusive (which means, "Steal this stuff and we'll sue your butt!") cast photos and bios -- plus, a brief interview with the show's principals. Readers of Rolling Stone can even clip Norm's likeness from an advertisement and make their very own (almost life size) Norm Macdonald mask. Assuming one would want to do such a thing. Similar ads are running elsewhere. As the March 24 premiere nears, no doubt Norm will begin hitting the talk show circuit. But, until then, kudos to ABC's marketing folks.


One of Norm's heroes is in critical condition. Country singer George Jones smashed his sport-utility vehicle into a bridge near his home while talking on a cellular phone. And, no, that's not a punch line. Jones, who Our Hero called "fuckin' great," lost control of his Lexus and hit a bridge abutment. He was not wearing a seat belt. It took rescuers about two hours to free him and he was taken by helicopter to Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville. He is expected to remain in critical condition for at least one or two days. Jones, famous for hits like "He Stopped Loving Her Today" and "The Race is On," is generally considered one of the finest country singers ever. Norm's father fostered his appreciation for Jones by taking him to see the legend in concert -- hear Norm share the story with David Letterman.

UPDATE: (03/21) George Jones walked out of a hospital Friday, 13 days after a near-fatal crash. A half-pint of vodka described as less than half-full was found under the passenger's seat of Jones' vehicle. Evelyn Shriver, a close friend of Jones and president of Asylum's Records Nashville office, said Jones' family will fight any effort to turn over his hospital records, which include a blood-alcohol test.
 OK, kids, y'all wave bye-bye to the moving van. Here we are in our brand new location along the information superhighway. We're official now -- with our own www dot something or another address. Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell a stranger. Hopefully, everything is unpacked and reassembled just as it was before. Few people know this, but "The Fake News" formerly originated from three-Pacman arcade games wired together, out behind a Hardee's on I-30, just west of Wiggles Pet Resort here in Dallas. We're not at liberty to disclose our current point of origin. Oh, should you trip over something ... please report the problem. And don't you worry your little head, Suzy, you'll make NEW friends. Better ones.



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