"I'm worried," says Norm Macdonald, America's greatest sit-down, deadpan Canadian comic, hours before an appearance on "Politically Incorrect." "But I'll probably know as much as Meat Loaf," he says, referring to one of his co-panelists. One might think that a man who works the term "crack whore" into most of his punch lines and often steals the show on "Saturday Night Live" with his brave and crazy wit -- not to mention his dead-on impressions of David Letterman and Bob Dole -- would be more confident. But this is a guy who, the day before, cased out the coffee shop before our interview took place because he wanted to feel comfortable, a guy who hasn't seen "The People vs. Larry Flynt," in which he has a cameo, because he can't stand the notion of people watching him watching himself onscreen. A few hours later, Macdonald is nervously pacing the "P.I." greenroom while Meat Loaf mellows out by the caterer's table. Macdonald needn't worry: He kills with his riffs on secret trials, butt injections and gay porn. He has such a zonked-out presence, it's hard to believe he can be so funny. Backstage, Linda Bowles, the conservative columnist, hugs Macdonald. "Norm, you're so bad," she says. He is -- and a little weird, too.

You once said that you'd have been a class clown, but your parents couldn't afford the big shoes.

I did? That's funny.

Were there early inklings you'd be a professional wise-ass?

No. When I was young, I was always funny to myself, but people just thought I was weird.

Some people still think you're weird.

They do? To me, I'm normal, but before I was in show business, everyone thought I was really weird. In the real world, I never got laughs. The more traditionally funny people got the laughs, like the funny guy doin' jokes.

So you don't think you're weird?

I find myself the only normal one.

You recently did a great Letterman impersonation -- isn't that a gutsy move, since Dave's kind of an untouchable in comedy?

Well, I phoned him before and told him I was going to do it, and he said, "All right. Fine." After I did it, I phoned him again, and he said he hadn't watched it, but he said he trusted it would be funny, and he had no problem with it.

Do you worry about his reaction?

Oh, yeah, I worry. Because to me he's the funniest guy on television, and I'm not. I don't want to parody a show that I think is funnier than the show I'm on. It's really just a straight impersonation -- there's no point of view to it. He and Howard Stern are the two guys doing anything original in show business. I don't want to make fun of him, and I don't think I am.

Do you get a lot of angry mail?

I get a lot of angry mail about O.J. and also Michael Jackson. I just like saying the words "homosexual pedophile" and "Michael Jackson." They get really mad about that -- I think they think it's a slam against homosexual pedophiles.

So what do you watch?

"The Daily Show"....Just joking [breaks himself up]. Letterman. Stern. Conan [O'Brien]. And every football game.

Are you fed up with comparisons to classic "SNL"?

There's not going to be a "Saturday Night Live" as funny as the one with Belushi and those guys, because if those guys existed now, they'd be famous long before they got on "Saturday Night Live". Everybody gets picked up quickly now. That's why nobody becomes a great stand-up anymore -- as soon as they're faintly funny, they get on some sitcom.

Where generally they're not funny.

Right. The only guy I know who returned to stand-up and became a great one is Chris Rock.

You weren't a great one?

No. I could have been, but it's too hard of a life. That's what I wanted to be -- like [Jerry] Seinfeld and [Jay] Leno and George Carlin -- but the stand-up world's changed.

What was your weakness as a stand-up?

I can't remember things too well. When I was on the road, about 60 percent would just be stuff in my head that would either kill or just do horribly. My worst weakness was, when I'd do really badly, I would always smile because it was so weird I'd, like, enjoy it.

How nervous were you about taking on Weekend Update?

In the first year I was very nervous, because at the time I took over Update, the show was, like, in a train wreck. There's something about the show -- other shows, if they get worse, nobody cares.

I suppose you're right. No one makes a big deal about "Dave's World" slipping.

Yeah, I should get on "Dave's World".

Did you ever think "SNL" sucked?

Some things are better about the show now, but some things are not as good as three years ago. Three years ago the show had some problems, but it also had some brilliant sketches, because nobody cared and everybody hated the show. So the writers became very self-indulgent, which made for really bad sketches and really good sketches. Now there's no self-indulgence on the show at all. The show now is geared toward the audience. Update's not. I hate any joke that elicits applause. I don't want people clapping. When people clap at a joke, it's just like this [in a brainwashed voice]: "Yes, we agree. Pat Buchanan is a Nazi."

What's the worst reaction you've gotten?

There was this joke I did in dress rehearsal that never got on air. You know that famous picture of that naked girl in Vietnam running away from napalm? I showed that and then said, "In gossip news, Woody Allen's dating again." I thought it would kill. Instead the reaction went on for like a minute of pure, crazy hate. At least it was a reaction. I just love reaction. I like pure anything. Even pure silence is good.

Hollywood must be calling. How long do you see yourself doing Update?

I don't like comedy movies generally. Sketches are funnier than movies. I'm being offered stuff because Chris Farley and Adam Sandler and other "Saturday Night Live" guys get No. 1 movies. I may eventually have to do it, but this is the job I like the best. If I could do it till I'm, like, 65, that would be so fuckin' great. But in show business, you can only do stuff for a little while, then you look like a loser.