Excellent.

First of all, let's plug the show (NBC's "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" at midnight weeknights on KXAS Channel 5). For those out there who still think Letterman is on NBC, tell folks a bit about the show.

He is! He is! (laughs) It's mostly country music for the first half hour, then there's a lot of puppetry for about 20 minutes, then I actually go on and just read from a current best seller. That's pretty much the show in a nutshell.

It's a formula that seems to be working.

You just taped a show; are you giddy with excitement?

(laughs) It's like show 130. There's something wrong with me if after every one I'm like: "Heeeehee! Wooo!" and do a little Leprechaun dance.

Today was OK... we did a pre-taped piece that was funny, at the top of the show, that I really liked, where I completely lose it and start screaming at Mary Lou Retton.

Just what everyone in America wants to do.

That's right.

Beyond that, how's your love life?

My love life, oh man. I'm trying to start the rumor that I'm going out with one of the women from "Baywatch."

Oh, that would be cool. Which one?

(whispers) I don't know; I don't know their names.

It's actually good. I'm dating somebody. I don't get into who it is or anything, but if you could say you heard from another source it was the brunette from "Baywatch," I'd be very happy.

Would you like to go on record with any wild threats about kicking someone's ass?

Uh, kicking someone's ass. In the sports world?

Mainly in the talk show world.

Oh, OK.

Arsenio (Hall) did that at one point.

(laughs) Let's see... I can take Joe Franklin (host of a long-running New York City talk show known for lackluster guests).

No, it's just not my style to kick someone's ass.

Is it true that your sidekick Andy is usually heavily sedated before the show?

No, that's not true. We try. We try very hard to sedate him, but it's not an easy thing to do. They guy's got a lot of upper-body strength. We have a powerful horse tranquilizer we try and give him just before air time and it just doesn't work.

Are you still getting Letterman's mail?

Yes. I get his dry cleaning too, which is something we're trying to sort out. I have four of his cummerbunds.

Do you suffer from dizzy spells, ringing of the ears or hot flashes?

The middle one.

Who turns you on more, Ginger or Mary Ann?

You know, it's a fallacy. It's really popular for people to say "Mary Ann" because she's not the obvious choice. But, really, we all know it's Ginger. She was a movie star. She was incredibly sexy. I resent people who say, "Mary Ann" and think they're being really cool. I resent it and it makes me angrier than just about anything.

What frightens you?

If I were ever made to Jazzercise- I think it would be the most frightening thing in the world.

Let's do some free associations.

OK.

Power.

Me. The most powerful man in the world- I will destroy you all some day.

Love.

I'm in love with myself. I just think I'm terrific.

Guilt.

Very Catholic. That's right up my alley, I have lots of guilt about everything.

Mango.

I think of Chap Stick that comes in a mango flavor, is in a florescent tube and they sell it to ski guys who think that it's like the coolest thing.

Uh, can I tell people that we're pals?

Yes! If I can tell people that we're pals (laughs).

Do you have any amusing war stories about your days as president of the Harvard Lampoon?

Let's see. I think I told a bunch of them around. I think I said this on the air once someplace in some interview. I don't know if it matters or not.

It's OK, our readers don't watch TV.

(laughs) OK, good, no one's watching.

Burt Ward, TV's "Robin," came to Harvard once with the Robin costume from the TV series ("Batman"). He was being very pompous, "I'm going to have an exhibition at the Science Center. I'm going to show off the great costume that's valued at $400,000."

So me and my friends dressed up like security guards and stole it. We had a friend in the audience that actually dressed like the Penguin, who distracted Robin and we stole it and Robin was really mad. I call him Robin, it's more fun than saying Burt Ward.

Which do you get ribbed about more, being a Harvard grad or being nine feet tall?

The height thing. Few people know about the Harvard thing.

What makes you laugh?

"Green Acres." Eb from "Green Acres" really makes me laugh.

You were writer/producer of "The Simpsons," is it true that Homer and Bart were constantly bickering on the set about the significance of Beat writers Jack Kerouac and William S. Burroughs?

Most of their disagreements were financial.

Is there anything that I should have asked you but didn't?

"What makes me so damned good?" (laughs)

I've never been to New York. Can I be on the show?

(Pause) No!